Famous and Unfamous Quotes That I Like
"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

"If you are going through hell, keep going."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
- J. Paul Getty (1892-1976)

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)

"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
- Steven Wright

"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. "
- General George Patton (1885-1945)

"Pray, n:. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy."
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

"Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jets"

"Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." -- Albert Einstein

"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours that's relativity." -- Albert Einstein

"God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically." --Albert Einstein

"No, this trick won't work.How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?" --A.E.

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. "
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

"The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill
them." -William Clayton

Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
-Lord Acton

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
-Joey Adams

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
-Alfred Adler

Television is the first truly democratic culture the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. the most terrifying thing is what people do want.
-Clive Barnes

Where would we be without salt?
-James A. Beard

Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
-Ambrose Bierce

God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.
-Sir William Bragg

It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me.
-Ashleigh Brilliant

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
-Mel Brooks

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
-Charlie Brown

Right on Chuck, right on.
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
-Arthur C. Clarke

I only ask to be free. The butterflies are free.
-Charles Dickens

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
~Jack Handey

I love going down to the elementary school, watching all the kids jump and shout, but they don't know Im using blanks.
-Jack Handey

The funny thing about driving your car off a cliff, I bet you're still hitting those brakes.
-Jack Handy

I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat." It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties
-Jack Handy

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
-Steven Wright

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-Steven Wright

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
-Steven Wright

Love sought is good, but given unsought is better
--William Shakespeare

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