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This is what I write, yes I know there are probably thousands of errors in them. No I don't care, that's how it comes out, and it makes sense to me. I often write them to music, so I'm thinking of starting to include the song that was playing when they were written. I don't know though, that might be a little too creepy for me. Though it'll probably read a bit nicer because it's often to the tempo and beat of the song. We'll see we'll see.
EMAIL= jimmytownnative@gmail.com
By Number Written...
#1,#2,#3,#4,#5,#6,#7,#8,#9,#10,#11,#12,#13,#14,#15,#16,#17,#18,#19,#20,
#21,#22,#23,#24,#25,#26,#27,#28,#29,#30,#31,#32,#33,#34,#35,#36,#37,#38,#39,#40,
#41,#42,#43,#44,#45,#46,#47,#48,#49,#50,#51,#52,#53,#54,#55,#56,#57,#58,#59,#60,
#61,#62,#63,#64,#65,#66,#67,#68,#69,#70,#71,#72,#73,#74,#75,#76,#77,#78,#79,#80,
#81,#82,#83,#84,#85,#86,#87,#88,#89,#90,#91,#92,#93,#94,#95,#96,#97,#98,#99,#100,
#101,#102,#103,#104,#105,#106,#107,#108,#109,#110,#111,#112,#113,#114,#115,#116,#117,#118,#119,#120,
#121,#122,#123,#124,#125,#126,#127,#128,#129,#130,#131,#132,#133,#134,#135,#136,#137,#138,#139,#140,
#141,#142,#143, #144,#145,#146, #147,#148,#149, #150,#151,#152, #153,#154,#155, #156,#157,#158, #159,#160,
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#163
There was a day that came and passed, unlike the rest it will forever last. Time forever held incomplete, held tightly safe from any forgetful defeat. Now I know the meaning of words and time. If I could paint it in a picture, there it'd stand beautiful and true, a perfect hue. This masterpiece sold long ago for a secret price that none but I know. Years past a scene so familiar, millions of stars have risen and fallen. Yet no day shall ever be the same, the truest love to which I could never be the frame. A goal that sets me apart , and the painful heart of an onlooker watching the holder of this priceless art. Now a slave to those stars as they pass, I always long to be one and only one sight. Even if for only a day, we are the flickering creatures of the night.
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#162
And now it's not the same, I hold water like the blame. The past is a long and winding path, I can't do anything but laugh. You caught me in the middle of my demise, holding fast to these sinking lies. The bitter cold water will be my own shock and last suprise. If I could compare this now foresaken boat to everything I wrote, I'd say it's the words who never learned to steer. Leaving your iceberg drawing near, and it's not the collision but the lack of lifeboats that I fear. And I guess that means I never held anything back, except maybe the feelings that I lack. A bubbly and churning wake stirring up everything it's run through, and the sea's now a chilling black and most certainly not blue. Now I see you coming fast and there's nothing to be done. The captain's passed out drunk, this is the course that must be run.
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#161
Fears like well concealed tears, days slip by and turn over to years. All that we become is so grainy, a reality that can easily be seen, but no one ever hears. My mind wanders into space, along a path I have to feel to retrace. I took a blind shot, but even I can see it was wrong. My hindsight is clear and somewhat strong, even if my foresight is damaged and long gone. When everyone wants their piece, their part, farther into the dark slips this crushed and crumpled heart. When all is lost and all is gone, it's quite the selfish dispair. The ideals just seem so rare. Slowly fading from who I'm trying to be. Being vanquished by those and what they want to see. Can't hear me screaming loud, blocked by dense thoughts stemming from the proud hanging faintly overhead like a misty little cloud. when we get to the real moments between the haze you clearly agree briefly with what I say, but oh...life always gets in the way. Isn't that what you say? Goodbye and so long to just another day, did you see everything that took place. Cause I know the words escaped your face.
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#160
Hiding in something, but it's obvious to see, something formerly so oblivious to me. It's clear tonight in the dew chilled air, but when I sit down it vanishes like it was never there. And all I want now is unfinished in nature. Maybe I understood long before these flames on the ground, long after they slowly died down. What I couldn't hold, I couldn't keep. This heart I sold, while watching others weep. The cost of pain had to be paid in full. Though I never saw any benefit from that which you claim I stole. Am I just wasting time trying to redefine things all of which were formerly mine? Without anything, now empty I stand. Staring blankly through this flickering flame and now maybe I finally understand. I'm...
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#159
No one ever asks about that girl you used to sneak into your room anymore. How many people knew or ever noticed I'm not exactly sure. Now these swirling seas have dwindled down to low depression systems, stabilizing over the coast. Once great rage within and equally we'd toss and turn over the sheets of rain that'd pummel anything that stood to question and defy. If I said you were and are nothing, well you know that'd just be a blatant lie. Sigh, or is it? This is how you live from night to night under the covers of silence so loud. I never really asked you to come over but I'm pretty sure you really don't care. Let's slip out of this under where we normally meet. Through the shadows we linger stopping for brief seconds to avoid the obscene scene of being seen. We know this wine's not allowed, so it didn't take any time to get it up to the room. Now we dance like the wind tangling with the leaves, up and down coming so close to the bottom like a tease. On the ground once again, left naked and cold, a deceptive vision of what was so shortly ago growing strong. Long after this was once a natural game, I'm just wondering if you remember this as the same.
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#158
Flying over shattered pieces on the ground, its so nice to be above them. Or maybe we always just think we are. And when you're past the finish, are you ever really that far gone. Does it ever matter who admits they are wrong, when everyone standing around waiting for sharp high pitched chords and shards to cut so deep. Only wanting to sweep them away, clean up the mess from above rather than kneel down and pick up the pieces. Destructive in nature, and it's always easy just to hate her than have to feel the shards digging in and ripping skin. Thin defenses have to crumble, and no one ever tells us that we are the ones purposely weakening them. Here we fall just so we can let everyone see us get back up and stand tall. Our shadows loom far over the past, but we forget there is no present moment without the last.
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#157
Toes curled cold, but I think I'm losing my path. Strolled onto this road, but didn't write down how I got here. Always falling in love with the impossible. How many more rounds do I have left in me? Wiser eyes have told me, now my own wiser eyes withold me. With everyone around, it's not easy falling down. Do they even hold you up for the right reasons? Seasons pile up upon seasons, just sliding by. Searching the world high and low, but always finding the best things farthest away. Can anyone out there help me make them stay? Who am I kidding, I'll keep striving...only to fall yet again. But there's always hope when you're only wondering.
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#156
Been so long since I've noted these thoughts. A familiar scene that comes around every so often. Yet everyday I've looked, only to be let down. Now it's here again, and sadly found. I know the outcome before the starting line, but I've sure missed hoping. Hardly seeing a light along this night time trail. Then the sun rose, and my blindness surely shows. Fully knowing this sun will set again, but I'll enjoy this faint glow until then. Aware this is an impossible situation to overcome. But hope's all around, and that's surely better than having none and just noise as sound.
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#155
Someone to find, but never really knowing where to look. Is it her hair that sways, and will I be able to gently brush it aside one of these future days? Her eyes look golden set, but if I did would it just be something else to regret? The passing strangers look stranger when imagined in future lives. It's hard not to think of when it's all you're confronted with. These things they say, must be brushed away. Our lives are so very different now, and it's funny to think that someday they'll meet somehow. I always seem to know not enough about the things to say when I'm in love. Don't worry I'll start thinking now, to come up with something clever and smart. Something so loud and clear it'll speak directly to your heart. But I'm just looking for somewhere to start. Cause we can't pick up when we've never left off. If flowers aren't your thing and you're not exactly comfortable with a diamond ring, do not worry I think of something. Planning my non-existant plans, preparing for the unreal. Feel free to stop me from walking by, even if it's just to say hi. Every street corner is another place to stop and wonder about the people that cross our paths. Every stop sign yields a steady flow and pauses the rush enough for just one look. One stare will catch, be caught, is exactly what is being sought.
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#154
When the daylight fades, I'll stand by wondering what to say. Visions aren't too scarce, and memories wear thin but not thin enough that I don't remember them. Days I count, the winter's come home again. The steam can be seen, just about anywhere you glance. The trees seem darker now in the white back drop they shade. Everything's so crystal clear, but why can't we see the things that seem just outside of our nature. The shine of the ice reflects back to me the things I know, there I am frozen and cold. Refridgerating my conscious flow, keeping that way so no one will ever want to grab hold. As we wait out the seaons, sometimes we need time to reflect, wishing we could just hit pause. But like the winter's effects, everything frozen eventually thaws.
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#153
Needing to be needy, searching for a way back to lacking what I desire. Standing front and center, standing tall, and ready to fall. After all this time you think the reason'd be easy to find. Obviously putting ourselves above being able to be brought down, hiding in plain sight and begging to be found. Here we go, ready or not and this might not work, but isn't that the point afterall? Calling out to the beggers, wishing there was wanting. Here and there the coldest shadows lurk to be heated. These eyes are old and jaded, traded them in before all of my vision has faded. Should we settle for imperfections in an imperfect world, or is that trading in our pure hearts? Parts of the things we need we don't. Count me in for counting me out, hand me a straight rejection so I can see my own imperfection. Fighting for a hearts dying breath takes the chance of being crushed, but in the end it's the fight we're all hoping to win. Settling for a submitted victory, is just like giving in. Then even with the spoils of victory, the air is gone and you're heart won't last too long. I long to long for an unobtainable height, something not exactly within sight, at least not yet.
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#152
Charred remains sitting cold. Left long after all the stories have been retold. Flame after flame feeding off the oxygen, stealing every breath, but the fuel is spent. The flames die one after another, embers drop to the ground. Once the heat rose, but now it's only darkness that shows. Breaking at the touch, just crumbling under with any slight brush. The tips used to reach for the sky, rising with the crackling pops. Then slowly that all stops and fades from sight. Fight those playing with sparks, with no fuel to burn, but it doesn't matter how much you hope or yearn. You just can't turn the ash to flame. There's really no one to blame.
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#151
Stay close to these whispers I'm shouting under my breath. It's obvious if you're close enough to us to tell from the separated distance, there's something suspicious in the placement. Tending to shy away from the obvious tones of closure, where others would freely venture into open space for the stark casual touch. So clear to anyone near enough to see these feet motion towards each other only to be retained by invisible internal restrain. Anyone listening intently might miss the meaning behind the words they find. It's not the meaning but the mood to which we bind. Stares condensed to glances, to inhibit chances of detection. Hidden deep beneath like a rare shared infection. To those who never really believed in me, you just may be present in time for this current resurrection.
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#150
Cunning and smooth, the difference in the distance comes to stand by the lines that echo through the night. No warning, like the first salvo of a pre-emptive strike in this, your last desperate fight. Somehow buried deep within the conversation is the lost line that stands to define how deep you're digging this ditch you'll lie in. There you stand, preparing the trenches you'll die in. Field maps drawn and planned, but that's just what I can't stand. Unconditional diplomatic relations were just elaborate creations, the sparks path scorched by the flames. You're about to get caught straight up in the crossing fire. I tire of the stretching reaches, body's pile up on these desolate beaches. Well sure, you can win this fight, as the victor just make sure you know the path of your plight.
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#149
Standing in sand, lives seldom go through the turmoils that we so carefully planned. When the heat has faded, the colors change, but my thoughts never do. I once believed in some sort of dream, now I only dream of you. And even though my words may die as whispers in an empty room, maybe that's as clear as intentions can be. They'd say this hollow thought holds no hope for me, but why would I lock myself in a prison with no key? Everything just seemed to fall apart so quickly when it looked so promising. So I had to rebuild everything in my mind, brand new, minus one thought that'll never get left behind.
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#148
A whirlwind swept through, took all the thoughts I wanted to keep to myself. Sprayed them to the reaches of the space in my mind. So I find nothing left to say of my own. We've got great memories to keep us warm tonight, but somehow something just isn't right. So today we stray far from the known regions of this place. Like walking away from an arguement that we never had, footsteps always leave the trail behind us set in stone. Till the wind erases everything in a howling moan. Now I've got visions left with no path between, and no way to get back to everything I've seen. I thought everything would work out alright, now I only see clearly at night. These days I'm sorry for what I couldn't say. I'm standing in a crowded room all alone. As I come to understand, I start breathing hard enough to wash away stone.
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#147
These days are clear and clean cut, just as the last case was open and then shut. We knew the next step before it was took, and if you don't stray too far maybe someday you can turn around and take a look. Cars without rearview mirrors, but heart road blocks never stopped this pursuit. Lights are flashing red and blue, funny those two colors should remind me of you. Are there words between us left unsaid? Is there anyone alive or are we both dead? I'll see you move again, and then even years out, I'll know the day left us both in the same state. I hate to think of the moments between the days I found the truth and then returned to the place. I hate to think of you and me, and then you give me that face. These are memories that I can't but I'd love to replace, I'd love to retrace.
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#146
Not exactly the first to wait, wait up for me if I come home late, especially in this state of mind? Would you mind if I just come on in? In this world the dates come few and far between, especially the ones that are remembered, maybe that's why they seem so few. Two too many for this trip, rip the seat of your jeans on the door on your way out. Now we're going out, but maybe it's too soon, and doesn't it just seem like we're leaving anyways. Days hide the ways that we used to be and move to this old tune. Ruin everything so quickly, don't mind if I do. Do you mind if I do? We believe in a couple things that our hearts hold true. True true to you and me and you think less of the things you couldn't find and had to be told. It's truth that you can't hold.
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#145
No one hears you, no one here's you. Voice in the dark, and I'm not too sure that I'm not talking to myself again. You can stop by, but I might not let you in. I could tell you the truth if I'd ever figure it out. I doubt that memories fade as much as we ever want them to. My only proof for that claim is this constant thought of you. Hold off on the selfish until this thing is through, and then in the end most selfish will probably be all the things I'll never say to you. Silent echos of the heart, formations of thoughts that I'll never let start. Constant life on the edge of falling into my own thinking. I grip on to the ride to the future and end, hope I don't slip because those are the things I could never defend.
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#144
I still have this vision of you walking in and saying that everything is back to normal. What would they know? I still have this taste for the things that we'd never show. What would they know? One day I hope for the better things between the dreams we never said. What would they know? I still think of the things we thought but never did. What would they know? If I could take this greatness and wrap it in a plastic coated shell, I think for certain that it definitely might sell. What would they know? I let go of everything that is the past, but maybe save just this one. What would they know? Today's a short trip down a familiar road. What would they know? I live with no regrets, but save this one. What would they know? If I could trade in all my dreams and yesterdays to get it back, do you know how quickly they'd be sold? What do I know?
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#143
Red and Blue as the truth that stands between you and me. Sea colored drops against a setting sun quietly let the damage run. Even before it's done, it starts to set in. We're all worn thin, as we retreat to something, someone. Then it hits you, the rip, the tear, it's right there. How could this have been so unclear? Time's ticked, the habit's kicked, choices picked. We all move along, despite conscious truth that everything between us has gone wrong, all wrong. Prolong conversations now muted to a few desperate tones. Silence separated by a couple catious moans. Ice hanging off a heart, the colors blend. You always felt sorrow for things that you couldn't defend. Even before we could turn to rise, every good thing dies.
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#142
I have foolish days where I believed what people said to me. And in their own defense they'd swear it's not that simple you see. All the titles never meant a thing. There's only so much truth you can tell someone. Especially when we're concerned at the end of this battle about who's won. Fear seals our lips and rips the truth from ears before anyone hears. Besides nothing means the same thing for two people, people too deaf to see who we really are. How has it become this far. Words that I'd never say. I don't want to see another day. I don't think you could say it any other way. When all you have is who you are, and you don't think you can last for another scar. Well then I think it's time to pack and head for the furthest star.
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#141
I never see the way things have to be, specially when it comes down to between you and me. It's hard to not feel hurt, like trying to ignore the oasis while I stumble through the desert. This is just how I'm gonna feel. I hate understanding things you'll never know. Things I can't show eyes that won't look my way. Words I can't say to people who face away, don't pay attention. Play the games you're used to, I should feel used too. Things you take from me, things you assume are free. Can't pay the fee, still I stand and watch you walk away from me. Standing still, still I realize the truth in everything you said. Empty promises like hollow tips to the head. Dead weight, dragging through the sand. But still I won't demand you come and see, everything, everything you lost in me.
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#140
I hate being right, about everything I've ever done. And I hate sitting around knowing, knowing I've never won. I see myself dying years from now never having grown close to anyone. Funny thing about fame, it always fades away. Like the sun today, setting on my favorite hue. People always assume they know, but know nothing about you. Fast, your existance becomes who people thought you were. For this past sickness there is no cure. You're dead, you dread knowing how you're remembered. And still this is me. I know there's gonna be tears shed, and that is sad. It's all something you never had. In your mind you created someone to be fun, who'd never turn and run. When will you see, that person you've created, just isn't me.
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#139
Reflect, Reflect, inspect the suspect. Contain the restrain, all over faces again. Words would fall but time runs thin, listen, I'd love to have this conversation, but can't spare time for participation. Just unreal, so real, surreal, feel it all over again. So if you need to repeat, repeat the the time we remembered when. Can you live twice, I think it'd suffice to say you can't feel anything all over again. Pen in hand, on the paper land the words that'll never matter, saved for sadder days and saturdays alone.
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#138
To be honest, I could just grow old. I become more tired as these days turn cold. I guess it's about time for someone to breakdown, and the truth be told. I could hide behind the moon, and miss the sunshine. I'm sure I'd be fine, but I'd always cross that line. People always ask me if I'm being ridiculous, answer no, but know I am. Always holding on to the impossible plan. Limits aren't my strength, cause we know I'm out beyond the length. Past the edge sawwing off the plank. Hold my breath longer than I can, cause maybe I'll become more than you think I am. No one wants to believe I'm that man. I know what's impossible, but still believe I can.
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#137
Is it alright to think of me yet? Everyone looks at me as if I'm to blame for a crime that doesn't exist. Still these feelings persist. Though I'm worn out for feeling wrong for it. Everyone can blame me, but I know I'm not the same me. So much more, but the story's really a bore. I'll clarify it, there should be no worries, nope, none anymore. I've really given up this thinking thing, and if you don't believe me, pick up the phone and give me a ring. Answer the answers, make this chance yours. So true, but you might want to find out before I grow out of you.
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#136
If I could bottle up everything that I wanted to say, we'd have way too many bottles to drink down today. Swallow the words straight, no chasers this time. The echo's coming back up to remind us of the sound, and I'm just sitting on this playground waiting to be found. Maybe someone will chase me here, and near the end of this love story comes the tale we've waited for all along. I'm pretending to write the words, without an ending.
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#135
Deja vu, here I stand and look at you. Like someone just held a mirror up to my past. Everything you do is just like the last one I saw. Two straight lines are the parallels I draw. I never want this to happen again, though I never wanted this to happen again. It may be quite simple to see, but I was kind of hoping it different, and well, you know me. Selfdestruction will come in your loudest tones, and vainity always joins those who sit on thrones. I've seen this all before, the exact same way, on another passed day. Tired of being so right, so wrong, and I'll go on. Funny she never believed I'd pass her by later either, and so I bit my lip. If I wrote it down on paper all you'd see is a blank space and a long rip. I never said anything then, now, never, always believed it to be better. I'll save this piece of paper for the next time I run into you, Deja vu.
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#134
Thoughts, thoughts are free, but mine are killing me. Death, death for free, and this time it's lost all sincerity. Times before have stood around watching the horizon swallow the sun. Ghosts wander through, and their baggage weighs a ton. I'm sick of waiting on the next big day, and the way people hope to be it. Unconscious living and I have a date. So I don't give a shit about fate. If I've lost all sincerity, it's from you hoping things about me. I guess I lived too conscious, worrying about everyone that came through. Giving up, Giving up on you, and your strolls through my mind. This time, time won't last, and I'll have lived before it's past.
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#133
Words flow from me, and my mind, it's time to be free. Cut the chords that strung me from the clouds of confussion. Watch me fall like rain to the ground. An impact that won't even make a sound. Bounce back on my feet. People won't even realize I was there all along. These days I'm sick of seeing the sunrise cause of the constant thought it brings to me. Thoughts that would never let me be. Mind, I think it's time to be free. Words all around, but to me, they don't even make a sound.
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#132
Open arms to the sea, washing back on me. Simplier times drawing a thin line a million miles from here. Somewhere 10,000 times closer draws me near. Relics of the past, flying by so fast. Lightning streaking lines in the sky, a boundary between. Shocking, but something has to power this lightbulb so we can be seen. See me falling quicker than the rain, see me squeezing tightly my only pain. Before I land on solid ground, I toss it too far to be found. Beyond anything you can see, that's where it'll be. The electricity keeps me alive, but love is killing me.
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#131
The best world spins so tight, will everything turn out right? Everytime I turn around, the sights and the sound. Maybe it will stop for a minute or two. Enough for you just to get one realistic view, straight through to who we really are. Before the moment unfreezes and we spin back to the crowd, when the lights brighten and the sound turns loud. What then will you have seen? Being there only for a moment or two brings a whole new prespective to you. Then again it's only there for a second and you're on to thinking of something new. Should we be suprised with the outcome of this world? Still I can't sleep for days on end, and the past I won't start to defend. The future comes full speed to the time that stands still. Will you think, or just go for the moment or two. Maybe no one is alright.
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#130
You live this life one time, those who steal it commit one crime. Mind of a criminal with minimal escaping thoughts. One story with multiple possible plots. Those who try to take me down, watch me talk, but never listen to the sound. How are you going to take out someone who's already buried beneath this floor? All my thoughts still and contained forever in my deepest core. You don't know anything about me, so if you want to...go on and doubt me. Tons of people pushing down, but I'd never parallel their force, I fly straight up on the same course. You better lose your mind to try to get in mine. Time to tear my way through, straight to the top, try to guess if I'd ever stop. Those already at the bottom can never drop.
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#129
Projection, rejection, shadow puppets on the screen. Dimmed lights, quiet crowd patiently watching so serene. They see the image on the wall, and wait to see who's gonna fall. So I stand to see what it looks like, take the hike to the front of the room. Bend my neck back to see just what it might be. When I feel my legs start to give out from under me. Am I going down? I turn around to be paralyzed by the brightest light. Raise my hand, and tilt my head to the right. I can't see what's going through to the other side. Turns out it's only selected hues of you. I stand against the light, and realize that it's nothing you really have to fight. When you make it to this point, the disappointment sets in. The image, the person, the persona, the differences to vast for me to begin. Shows over, lights on, don't care enough, time to move on.
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#128
Right here is the now, the moment I'm alive for. You can hope for what you want to be, or try to bring back memories that you see. That's not me. I'm in the frozen time stuck between what was and what will be what was. Just to see the stars at night, or the light on the water. Take your complication and run, that's not a pun, I prefer my ever-lasting fun. Whether I have a trillion moments to live or just one, I'll promise to give every ounce of who I am to them. So when I die, I can look back and cry laughing at myself and the moment that was me, not the moment without me. There's nothing more beautiful than being mortal and alive, every moment might be the last, might as well strive to reach for the sky. I'm so high beyond this atmosphere wondering why wait on things that aren't there. So I stare, not at what could make my life unforgettable somehow, but what I'm remembering right here in the now.
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#127
As we line up at the door to leave the plane, there are a million questions running through my brain. Our packs are on and we're ready to drop. Some jump in tandom and together take the chance just the same. As I stand here I wonder, what will it be like? It's foolish to think everyone is without fear. One at a time we get in line as the moment draws near. Some will have to think and be pushed to finally go. Others will never leave, and their reasons we'll not know. There are those that without question are going. When you come to stand at the door, just which one will you stand for?
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#126
All the words I want to say are saved for another day. I don't really know what or which way to go. So I stand here thinking, sinking into the subconscious. All the competition and complex variables involved are simplified and solved in my mind. And I find it all comes down to none of that really mattering. This may seem flattering, but my last thought always comes down to me and you. That's one solution I consistently hold true. Even when I feel like it's an answer I'll never see happen, I feel some security in knowing it might just be that you're already happy.
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#125
Turning in defeat, walking on worn feet. Came in, shouted in my loudest voice, this is all your choice. What are you waiting for? But now the answer's clear to see, it's not me, it's not me. Maybe the hardest part of holding on, is letting go, and walking away with nothing to show. Follow familiar lines, taking the path wherever it leads. Aged proof that this heart still bleeds. Fragile skin cracked again, but the pieces mend. Broken heart, an all too familiar trend.
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#124
With a million and one opposing forces, with too many silent voices wishing me to fail. Cause if I don't sail away this time, maybe next time they hope it's with them. Here I stand taking shots, and I'll wait till there's no ship left, and then swim. Tread water like fire, and hold on to my one desire. And if that's not enough, I'll stay here till I drown. Even as the paddles from above keep pushing me down. The chilled waters of the dark, stark contrast to the rays of days, this ocean sways, I float on this icey sea. Maybe you should know, nobody believes just quite like me.
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#123
With everybody looking at me so silently, no words to come, like they're no longer breathing. Everyone wants to say something and leave their piece. Patiently I await the words release. But no, nothing's coming, so they just stare, but maybe they should beware. At least have the decency to tell me the truth. But no one wants to be criticized publically, don't want a labeled negative personallity. Everytime you hold back, don't you know that motivates me to fill this space with what it does lack. Just pack in the tension, till this room tears apart. To the point you can't keep it in, you start to bring it out, let me hear what it's all about. I don't listen anyway, so fuck what you say.
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#122
Hey there mystery what's your name, cause something tells me you're not the same. Ok, you've got my attention, did I mention I'm intrigued. Oh, make it a constant chase, such an interesting face to follow. Make it a little tough to swallow and breath, I don't really want to talk or create something. We don't need to exchange life stories, hush. What's the rush? Let's build this vibe between us. And maybe we could make this night continuous.
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#121
She's got thoughts in her head and plans for the road on which she'll tread. Mile high expectations, not demanding for the critics so she can keep her perfect relations. Easy going as it appears. Someone so organized can't have a wreckless heart. She plans things out from the start, even the end. There's a reason they call one reality and one pretend. Doesn't want it to be wrong, her to be wrong, for one second. Everything must be perfect, perfect right to the end.
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#120
No more climbing, no more falling. No more stalling to catch my breath, catch me if you can. And then stay a while. Hypertension dreams pile up and never amount to what they should. Could be other than it seems. I've lost perfection a few times in my life, giving up those who wouldn't let me down. Only to grow older with the familiar sound. The background noise and constant stress, expectations too high. No more reaching for that sky, no more sitting around wondering why.
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#119
Oh if I could fly, through this galaxy to the furthest stars. I'm sure you'd try to spin a web of who you are to stop me. Dead in my tracks, lifeless and not moving. Too bad I can't be trapped by a fake spung string. You're world a make believe thing. I was already gone before the lasting sting. Everyone else can look on imaginary gold threads, like when you're mute about every last thing you think. Don't want to appear bad, truth is, it's just as wrong to think it, might as well say it. Today it comes down to this, and I just wonder if there's anything that I'll miss.
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#118
Watched the moon spin around the Earth. Laying frozen cold, and years fade by. Like clouds passing in the jade sky. And every storm that's covered the horizon has passed just the same. Walk on young man, walk on. Every heart I've held in my hand, passed through like a grain of sand. The tighter my grip the quicker the slip, then fall and open my hand to find nothing at all. Waking from my day dreams, and this world just ain't what it seems. Everything in my past, I hope it fades, not to last. There aren't many memories now, and I wish the future'd come just as fast. Somehow people always want it to be then, not me, I walk on ignoring them.
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#117
I hate this blank space between us. So the world tries to recreate the scene they remember. Bring everything back together. A scene I tried to escape from, why bring me back to this prison of a frame. Some people say we all live for the fame. If so, then I'd have to ask you, would this all be the same? I'm so sick of living with a border as a cell, for everyone to watch and note. The repeated versus, and rehearsed worhtless words. Eyes spinning through this space, tearing up the painting with a firey blaze. You couldn't create the right color anyways, so I turn it black. Turn the lights out on the studio, for we'll never create anything like that again. Blink blink turn away, find your way. Close the eyes forever, a frozen picture. And if you need, just point your finger in blame, and this fame is so fucking lame. Notorious for my actions, and reactions, our world of fractions.
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#116
You're clever, watch out, oh no, we've all got plans in our head. Purposely coy with these toy like hearts. In our greatest vision is the chosen future, but who's choosing when you want to will the outcome? It's who we've learned to be, in the mirror we all see. Tears all around, we all drown in our desire, it's only natural right? Cause we're all like a burning fire of light. Our flame like hearts, our deceptive arts. Stemming from our intangible smarts. Then you manage to set out on a mission, wishing your dream will come true. Who do you think you are? Let us live the life we choose, so when you fail, we're supposed to shade your sorrow? Tomorrow you'll be 53 on the verge of collapse and unable to see the mistakes of the past. Saying we all have dreams, to me it seems more like we all have designs for our quickest way to satisfaction. Hear it, here comes the chain reaction, denial and rationalization of the plans in our head, it's alright in this pool you'll learn to tread tears.
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#115
From the perils of the deep, into my mind the questions start to seep. On the sea of truth we'll float. Sinking to the bottom goes straight to where the indecision lies. To most of those an answer will never arise. We all hope we're going to glide home upon the surface on our trip from the unknown. Repercussions of the waves sink into the subconcious. The clouds hang over me like debts to my decisions. Following the course, the water swells, full of indecision. Will it curl down and wash over me, or will the true shadow bring a change of course on this sea. Water all around, and so much that I fear I may drown, to the depth on the quantity alone. I call out in my loudest tone. To the waves, through the waves, with waves, can the sound echo back, and around and even can I be found? This trip of solitude for one, and in the end someday I'll have covered enough water for this to be done.
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#114
I am living truth, living proof, despite what you think's right. I've measured up in every stage of the fight. You can turn away and leave me walking, always walking, but you'll pass up everything you held on highest demand. So I stand, outstreched hand. I am wrong all the time, I work to correct my mind. Centered in my mind, you'll find here I am, being all I can. Though someday I may fall invisibly, indivisibly my shadow stands tall. All that I've become, would gladly be sacrificed for nothing but the fear of hope. One day, one day gone, one day ahead, setting sun turning the sky bright red.
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#113
It's just so hard to keep up with all of my mistakes. Smiles all around, but I'm sure most of them are fakes. Hold in the mute hope, hold on. As usual, horrible timing. Now I'm finding, only the future fades away. If I'm supposed to feel invincible today, self-demise leaves me defeated. Mind depleted, though things might be unkind, just let it go. Cause everybody hears, but no one's listening now. They all pull themself together somehow. Reflective coated eyes, looking at everything they need and what they despise. Everytime I wake up, I rake up the past, and hope that today it just won't last. Roll over, shed the covers, look straight through to clear visions. Don't hold on to old decisions, here we go to the uncertain, last call, now open tomorrow's curtain.
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#112
Thunderheads over the coast, and under the most delightful slight rain, the cooling sensation taps my skin. I read over every last mistake, and take time to refine the space between the lines. I recall all the memories to the end, and stand on the rocks staring over the coast. The waves flow in, one at a time, one down the next to curl around. Everytime the same bittersweet crashing sound. Hairline fractures on these stones, all around the wind moans. So the ocean stops, and here I stand. No waves to be, and no water swelling beneath me. The weather clear, and here I stare off into the extensive blue. I sit pensive, and it's about you. The storm comes with the waves, and the rain is never to be found without the other two around. So I give up the three, and lose everything in me. Better than staring away this and the next day.
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#111
Into the starting gates they all get in line. Awaiting the tone for the horse to jolt free to be chased by the next closest. So sounds the bell, and away goes the next generation. With the bets placed around the corner they streak. Everyone has their money spread across the boards, hoping to obtain wealth anyway they can. They've studied the specimens on the track, and the training's complete. Towards the backstretch they race, it's on and over and over. The favorite in front of the crowd, in front of the pack, with all eyes fixed, and all behind giving chase to obtain that same immortality by taking down the top of the class. The chase is on and on and on, and here we beg on and on and on, come on favorite stand strong be proud take down this race. Cheers for the home stretch as they blaze around the corner. With eyes fixed, there stands the favorite on the apex of the corner field breezing by. Utter confusion all around, and down down down the homestretch come the new leaders, but still there's one standing. A million questions around, and around comes the tail end of the pack. Why did the horse leave the race, or did the race simply leave the horse? On the far corner there's a shadow, a shadow still remains where once the favorite stood. A race horse broken down, even if you tried, a shadow is all that can be found.
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#110
Every last line broke again, the letters fall to the ground as they can't support the words they represent. Prepare for the fallout, I won't take the reprecusions in stride, in this bitter anger I won't pretend to hide. The times I remembered in gold have begun to unfold and crack on the surface of the sun. I think we're going to need a new one. As it splits down the line and the sphere divides, the energy pours from the seams and immense light beams. A million mile shadow lingers and darkens the view to anything left behind. In the after-shock we all fear, the final destruction begins of everything that stood before. As everyone draws near, the burnt out remnants of a faded sun wash ashore. On the beach they gather to view what once stood out of reach, like a whale misguided on a falty course, they stand and watch the floundering remains on the desolate shores.
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#109
I know I'm far less than keeping up pace, as I settle down with my ever tiring sleepless face. I want to close my eyes and relax for a while with this thought. The days seem to pass like the blinking clock. Power has gone out again, everything has shut down for a second. Here the power fades when there's no energy left to give, like without it's backing these things can't live. Then again the electricity can be heard sputtering here and there as it tries to revive in different places, just it's stumbling around till it's found. When the television and fridge shut down, they don't know that even electricity needs to be constantly maintained. I think about those cold nights of fusion. My nuerons fire one more time, an electric pulse down the line. As I think, if I close my eyes, it's only to blink.
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#108
So many days I tried to become the glory filled sight of many visions only to escape to my hiding place in the suns retreat. Whatever gets me through the night, it just wasn't right. Like a million dreams spent, and now returning to the empty dark room. Of all the words I've said, all I hear is the echo in my mind. Who I am I can't erase and as I fall, I find myself I'm falling into you're grace. As night turns to day, I know with you I'll be okay, and that does more for me than I could ever say. In the morning view I feel the dew, and think of a million emotions to give to you. But there's only one, and it's all yours even if it doesn't echo in your mind.
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#107
A day down the line of time, there's a word for the place we'll land on a silver studed shore of a view new to the beholders mind. The past is what we are, and we both know the past doesn't change. Salutations hang on the walls as scenes encircled by a frame. There I walk and check out what's left of my conscience's fading fame. Wake up now, the wall's down. Somewhere between you and me is the memory of what used to be. The faint glow of the scene's last glimmer, along the road strung out are the last remnants of my heart. Looking back on the grayest of skies, it's overshadowed by the diamonds of your eyes in the sky. One scene removed, replaced, cause maybe this isn't goodbye.
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#106
I see you there covered in steel. Through your veins is the cold we all feel. If I didn't know better I'd say the world had misread you somehow. Now walking down the road, flashbulbs chirping bright and they go on all night. Toying with the questions, as if they're your last standing friend in a line of a spent defense. With every word they memorize the answers and repeat them again, only to fail to see it's not the truth in them. The hardened shell has lost them again, when you shiver under your static defense. If everyone failed to noticed, I saw within, you're broken again. Broken down, and preparing to drown. Suffocate yourself, dying without trying, hypothermia sets in, you're broken again. Resting with the pieces, if they missed the coat of armor, it's nothing more than a glorified state. Through to the bone, and home, you were never strong enough to stand in the light, so you crumble in the dark, alone to the tone of despair and there in the shadow of night consoul your life away. So you crash through your dreams, to wake knowing your shattered soul's protected like it's always been. But, I can see you're broken.
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#105
Huddled and waiting to open my wings, it's one of those marvelous things. Bundled and coiled again, I'm laying here waiting to open them. Before my head explodes I figured I'd retire for a while, in my cocoon I tightly hold myself and smile. When that first burst of energy comes to, watch out cause as a butterfly I'm coming for you. Like a human wrapped in a blanket, my cocoon is comfortable and a perfect fit. Peak through my eye, my eyes, my 100 eyes, still conceal my disguise. I'm saving myself, entrapping me, so I'm not free. I'll have to get up and stretch out my wings, but my cocoon, don't worry, you'll always be one of those marvelous things.
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#104
When you look to me, you look for what you want to see. With eyes ablaze we paint a picture in our head. The artists of the world, of our world. To everyone the world is as it is precieved and recieved. When I break down and bend the mold, do you stand around and watch, or paint a new scene? As you come closer, hoping to help, paint a noble picture for yourself. In me you only see the things you need. Even if you're true to the end, you're still standing brush in hand creating a world you don't much understand. Through the canvas lies, the real word, everything really exists, but maybe it's only what everyone wants to see. The scenes grow dim and the number on this one is the last of them. Who's to blame? We're all painting them, let them merge and then diverge as none are the same and the last is always looking insane.
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#103
Seeing so much more than me in you. Do we ever grow up, or does this feeling last forever? If forever we could stay in the frosty day birth that enlightened the stones of the path we wander, I'd settle to see the only greatest thing in the world. So I stand with my inadequate heart. Overflowing with feelings, I don't know where to start, dripping to the ground. In their own pool, splashes create waves that are more like expressions. Confessions that I alone can not stand with myself in the crisp glow of the rays, they reflect off the now flooded path. Gravity's pulling the surges, and the rays are shaded from view in their heights. So I walk down the path, moving forward with the surges, though I guess always staying with one. Now frozen in time are all the silent scenes we left behind. Melting through to the scene before me, overshadowed by the self-made state. Submerged, you drown me in our fate.
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#102
I stay up all night, every night, not because I can, I stay up to think of a million and half plans. I hear the words in the day and tonight while I sit here with their meaning, I play. The voiceless corridors are full of space. The ever changing sleepless face. Without the aid of light I sit and I write. The words come out the same, and for their effects I have my soul to blame. If I knew the answers to the clock, the numbers would spin faster than the hands, allowing us to fly past or return to the distant lands. The last great migration, or the next start of a hibernation. The dreams that come now speak no more than the least number of words heard all day. If I could fight into your head, I might understand more than the truth, what the future brings and to you what the world means. What do you dream, when the last became reality? From bottom to top, the limits are set with our mind, and if I can't get higher, what am I hoping to find? The world extends as far as our mind can perceive, why do you want to know, when all you have to do is believe. We can't change our mind, but our mind can change us, and our descriptions are easier to move than the idea once it's in our head. As it stands I'll worry about you most after we're dead. So when you're searching for answers, the ones you don't know you try to make up, but if morning comes I'm hoping we all wake up.
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#101
here, leaving again, and what I need they'll never know. Empty and unkind, the words I've heard before. They seem to be the only thing that comes back. Back to haunt me they echo through every day. Moving on, I guess life cycles through. What I need, I guess you wouldn't know. So I analyze myself and fall apart. How can I fix what's wrong, when it holds true. What have I done wrong, become wrong? How can I avoid blame when it happens to me again? The common factor, divided, and divided. Invisible and true, say stay, and I'll believe you. I continue to fall apart, but I was broken from the start. And each shard of my glass soul, coats my rock mind. Every tear that starts on my face, falls to the floor. So it happens once more. Every time someone's tried to stake their claim, I forget that for their failure only I'm to blame. So I write on, like the path they take. If only I were the paper, and they the pen, then I might have some resolution.
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#100
What I've known all along, is the strangest thing when I think too long. To long for what I know is gone. If at least for a day I could retrace everything in the universe, back to when it was there, like now how I pretend you are here. Wet feet on the run, touchdown, keep moving, I tried to not look back, but everytime I do, I fall. Through the snow, the days were easier and defined, and now unrefined I talk to myself at night, with tones and moans in my sleep. The dreams come with days on end, send me through the unknown. A year ago, I would have thought I was young, now old, and the truth is too candid to be told. What we've been, where we've gone, is everywhere we are not.
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#99
Close my eyes and turn my head. Long after the moment as the present is dead, I can feel it there in time. Long on, down the line, if I had to remember one night above the rest, it comes to mind. In every heave of my chest, and the exhale is the sigh of silence that is in the moment brilliant euphoria. And when I look in your eyes, we silently talk about everything between us without any words. I understand you understand, and if we're leaving tonight for this starlight fly by of all our tomorrow's, take my hand, and we'll sail by every night we'll hold the memory true. So we stay and wait, tomorrow will come, but for the time, tonight, it's me and you.
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#98
Miles away, it was a new day. Chasing old dreams I'd seen fail before, before me. Redefining what I meant, and a new bold statement. While strolling through, I stopped by a familiar statue. We talked for a while about life, and what it meant for me to be here now. We stayed for a while, looked down the winding paths diverging from here. Peering at a destructive past, and things that just weren't meant to last. What had I been, what had I done? If you asked me again, I know I'd see, just the things that weren't right in me. Maybe I wasn't right in my definitions, and I had to find them before I moved on. As life rolled on, I stayed in that moment. Here I was, detached from everything I'd ever been. Wondering. Why I'd never gotten it right. A heart with two compartments needs to beat together. You can never give it half away. So from here on I promised myself, I'd give it all away, to whomever the next may be. No one may have noticed my change, but if you missed it, don't worry you can see it now. Cause it's not here, but that's exactly what I wanted in my thought so clear. Being one traveler, one medium, one whole to give away.
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#97
Red and blue all over you, I see unclearly through that diffracted white light's hidden hues. Like the ocean at night, you sway in the winds relentless blows. Always putting the pressure on, supressing the peaks. The weather changes day to day, and today it's quite calm out on the sea. The tide rolls closer, seeking its closure. Moon pull you closer to me. The hurricane threw the ocean about, but now it's gone, and it's torn the sea in two, retreat to pull yourself together. We'd fight the wind if we could, but it probably won't do us any good. So when the wounded waves roll in, converging on the shore, I'll stand by to repair the destructions wake, and block the wind, for the ocean's sake.
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#96
The stars glow out bright, reach out, stand out. This is the last flight out of here. There's been gone for a while, and this is the last nowhere. Final call, we're leaving for the reaches, somewhere beyond somewhere, this is the last nowhere. Kiss goodbye the imaginary sandy beaches, everywhere else is all the somewhere. Wave goodbye today, over tree tops we'll peel out of nowhere, leaving our heat behind, you can't find what was never there. This is the last nowhere. Somewhere in stories down the line, it'll be mentioned there once was a last flight out of nowhere, the only remaining evidence it was once somewhere. Over the horizon, break the event horizon, down the star corridors, fly past that named place there, out of the last nowhere. When they ask us where we're going, we'll say anywhere but there, hey the last nowhere. We don't need a direction, with all this speculation, we're going anywhere but nowhere. Hey, we're taking nothing with us, only our memories of nowhere, get on the plane, it's time to leave. So, final salutations nowhere, we're not coming back. We'll tell them we once lived in nowhere, they'll never know where it is. This is the last nowhere.
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#95
The questions float through the unknown. When I just want the world to slow down. I enjoy your voice chit-chattering away, and I watch the daylight slowly fade. Talk to me about anything, just to take my mind away, let it flow through you. In the melody I lose my thoughts, like I've always wanted to, maybe the first was rather tedious, but the last is something marvelous. When I move too fast in one direction, it's nice to have you there to slow me down with thoughts of your perfection. Silent soft thoughts taking form. There's been too much daylight today, and now I'm trying to hold myself together, it's nice to let each other go in the others mind. I've heard so many voices, most so repetitive, and the sound echoes through, this time it's nice to hear a new one, so I can let myself be lost on you. Though you don't have to, you want to, and I want you, too.
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#94
25,000 miles around and back again, counteracting rotation. While we were flying the light blurred. Everything seemed so distant, orbiting up so high so no one would find me. The satellite that I am, sending my messages back every now and then. Geosynchronized, gyroscopically still. Moving fast enough not to move, and I hope to stay here forever. As you spin around below me, another day is gone. The distance used to be a barrier, always filled with my signals. Oh Earth, you're perfection at it's core, melted, molten thoughts, warm to the touch. Circumnavigating the smooth surfarce of the thick crust that protects the depths of your gravity. Mold your surface to the spinning rotation with the volume of the ocean keeping tune. So deep do they go, everyone wants to explore the depths that crush most men. Notice how the storms stay above the surface and keep their distance to save Earth from the electrifying shock. From the surface, life branches out, reaching for the sky. Up top I stay, watch below, till I come crashing down, maybe it's not the end, but the start, cause maybe my frame will end up supporting some sort of life.
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#93
You've given me so many words, such evoking of emotion to your devotion is a promotion of explanations of this notion similar in strength to the tides of the ocean. Waves curl and fall, rise and break, slowly down the line, they twist and fold. White tipped tops, the peaks crack they snap, slowly bending back down. In this white wash storm surge of a purge we're found. If you stay here long enough the waves always come back around. Advance, retreat, advance, retreat, gasp for air, beware of the tidal wave after the quake, after the shake. Violently rolling in, wild and out of control. Closer and closer they roll. Undertow, don't hold back, it's got you, let go. The crash comes with a climatic sound, taken to the ground, and up again. The waves come spiraling through, all the while I think of you.
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#92
Forever, forever and always, like the nights I want to call you, I tell myself to stay calm. You have nothing to convince me, I've meant everything I've ever said. Like the day I told you how I felt, it's how I've felt all along, and always. Don't waste time worrying about me, I'm here, here for you. You're in my life now, today, tomorrow, and always. Apart, let's live with one heart, we can split it, like the continental divide, when the rain falls we can share it all. Empty down to the bays, we're happy now and then, and always. I would change everything for you, but you like me as me and I don't have to. So in the suns dying rays, I'll think of you blushing, and always.
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#91
Did I ever tell you how beautiful you looked that night by the lake, I thought my heart might break, break in two, one for me and one for you. They said to dream, dream big, well you're my big dream. I knew this cause even when I can't see you, you're just as beautiful for all you are. So when you say "you're mine" it sounds rather divine. Like an angel to watch over me you glow, and this thing between us like a supernova will grow. Maybe you were scared, and maybe I was under-prepared, but maybe I suppose we need each other more than anyone knows. Maybe we sat knowing what the future may bring, and so we waited. Even if I'm belated with my intention we're here all the same and you're so much more than these words I mention.
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#90
Like I've spent the entire day walking through the garden. I found that after the walk I could only recall the most beautiful sights, but it's the extra-ordinary that stands out most vividly, and wildly I had imagined it all into being. Like my walk was just a preparation period where I learned just how special of a flower it was, and why all the bee's buzzed around this single stem. I sat and watched them. They'd come before and took it's pollen. Left the flower all the same, lonely and pollen free. Took what they need, but a flower needs something to grow. Maybe they didn't understand. It's far more precious when the wind carries the pollen away, and the flower gives the pollen in her way. The flower knows I'll take special care to help it regrow that everyday. It's no longer seasonal. Watch that flower sparkle in the dew. I've seen it so many times before. This time it took to find out the dynamics, is just what we needed to grow and regrow. Now we both know. Believing, I'll never be leaving.
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#89
You'll find me buried beneath the fireslide on the slopes of some imaginary mountain over run by a magma title wave. So I'll escape to a cave, and live in the dark, really brave. Then when the daylight finally comes I'll stand to see, only too bright for eyes that've never seen something so right. At the base of that mountain I'll look up high to the peak I seek and climb it to try to touch the sky. It's magnificent blue just another hue, but it's magically caputred my fickle imagination. Like a kite stuck in a tree that we must free, your mind has you caught up in living. So catch this wind I'm giving and sail free and high, reach for the sky. With a skyquake we'll leave tremors of silence in our wake. So surreal to watch the clouds shake, you're majestic in your flight. When the world spins too fast I'll hold you tight so you won't fall off.
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#88
You're a sunny day in the summer breeze, you're a dreamers paradise somewhere under the moon's delights. The sunshine, out shone, this throne for you. You took one giant leap and didn't look down, so when you thought you were falling, failed to see I was below you all along. I'd never let you fall, you're radiant, and now I know what fate meant. Under blazing skies, I sit and watch, your amazing eyes. Red setting sundown, dreams have been rundown, let them begin, start to live them. Crimson shades on clouds bate the glare, and in your eyes I'll get lost in my stare. Let your hair down you can jump in the air, breath without a care, and know I'll be there, and sit and watch the ruby sundown.
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#87
See the stars up high, I never thought I'd be the one to help you fly. Above the clouds, I'll watch you soar, guide us through the new lands to explore. We'll never be in the dark, you can touch the stars now, and they'll glow down on you the most beautiful shade of yellow. You've been glowing all along and I'd do anything to make it grow and hold it strong. While you're flying I'll just look up and stare, and tell me where you want to go, I'll promise you, just say the place, anywhere. There's nothing left to ponder, cause with you I'd never have to wonder, like the stars I'd just know. So there's a firefly but in my eye I see the night gone by, and so maybe I didn't catch it, cause it'd come back in it's own due time. When I look back on the past, there's not a thing I'd change for fear that today wouldn't be the same. Now when I hear you're ecstatic, my heart beat becomes rather erratic. Glide through the stars and sleep in a nebula, dream with the galaxies in mind, cause this has just begun and there's so much more to find.
#86
The sun sets on my face as I think on and on. Young man don't you know there's no reasoning in the heart, it's like looking for someting in the dark. I could stand on top of the mountain alone, I'm no liar, but I don't want to. I'd rather start a fire in the night. Wake with the sun like it's mourning. People love to awaken to the light, with the evenings death. If I've grown no older, I'm certainly wiser for all I've been, and now I'll remember again. The memories make me happy, but it's mourning. There's no night left to stand for and oddly enough that's where the memories remain, in the dark. The sky's face is old, been though more than me and you. Hey what do you say, let's drop the ego, dance in the light, cause well I'll be a little busy tonight. I'd sell my memories to keep what I know, maybe you don't understand that, but it was said for a reason. The days are different lenghts during each different season, I suppose the seasons of memories change more frequently. Some nights are just longer than others.
#85
It took a while as the feelings came down from above like snow, to realize they weren't there to crush me. And I never took at that I was lucky. Should have. Shortly there after I saw that I was being blinded by my ego, and I'd get rid of my Id if you could just forget everything I did. I sat around for the longest time, I had been trying so hard just to get it all back while I turned the sky above my head a deeper black. All the pain I felt was nothing but pure vain, but I'd never restrain. Should have. While I filled myself with apathy I neglected the fact that you were happy, and when you smile, I smile, and realize everything I did was wrong.
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#84
When you need to believe everything will be okay, it's hard to admit that you've given up when you just want to see a smile. Somethings take a long while, somethings never come around, and the answers are never found. You need to believe you can walk on a string. The things you see take the form of a voice, in your head, sometimes we just don't want to see. Your thoughts are quick and decesive, and the filler is doubt. I never thought about the world as I floated by. The things you're seeing just don't depict the picture that your painting. The color blend, the light can bend, once it's painted don't think it's final cause time will always change what we set in stone. Sometimes you'll do anything just to believe, sometimes you forget what you need. Who'd ever think that sometimes it's healthy to bleed. Do we ever really think we're wrong, or just correct ourselfs to right by admiting so.
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#83
Everytime I try to become myself I find a mistake of the past, and I'm looking forward to the future, but it's just so unclear, and learning from mistakes seems unlikely. I just can't look you in the eyes, I see everything I've done wrong, the decisions I despise. You've made yourself a name and forgotten it all. Still I just keep going down in my fall. Days I'm good, and then I'm on the floor hoping there is nothing else to come, no more. The tears in my eyes at night, and you don't have that, sight perfectly clear. So nothing gets at you, amaze us all, cause right now it seems like nothing would phase you. I could tell you it all but you wouldn't listen anyway. Your friends will tell you everything they have to say, and convince you that you should just ignore it all everyday. You know there's a reason you feel like that, ever stop to think that? No, no you don't want to be brought down today. Ignore it all and it'll go away. It seems like you're pushing it in some other direction, like you can side step it and I'll only be a deflection. You don't want to change it, or maybe take another view cause everything you're told, it'd all become different, don't skew. You know what you want right now, think about what brought you to that conclussion, cause right now it's merely an illusion of the future, and I'm living today for tomorrow, on hours that I borrow. I'm writing this like it'd make a difference, but some things don't change, and if you could see that, then you'd understand why my thoughts don't change. While reading this you're thinking that's not you, I should stop saying such things that are untrue, but if it were untrue, why would I have written this about you? Hey, you can ask someone for that answer too, and I'm sure they'll willingly give it to you.
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#82
Falling freely, there's not much left between you and me. I'm still waiting, everyday brings with it a new old memory of days back then, and I hate remembering them. Feels like everyone's gasping for air, and I hate being the atmosphere. I fight off the days dying hours like they hold some sort of mystical powers, cause I can be awake without anyone needing to breath. The critics are silenced by their own dreams, then again it's almost not worth it, cause you're not there. Now I'm ashamed I couldn't see before, and it seems like I've thrown away what I saw as just another day. They are sweeter softer days that hold more meaning than any I've known. Everytime I close my eyes I just hold on tight while I go along for the ride. In my innocence I was blind, and now I can see I'm no longer innocent. Maybe I will and won't be the things that I learn. Nightly chill setting in, and the damage is about to begin. I think about each and every last time we'd been, and how I'm not ready to trade them in. Moon beam fall down on me, and let me know I'm alright, that this is just something I know and I can fight. Somehow in the back of my head I know it's not done, but when the sunlight comes all I can do is run.
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#81
Last fall, last fall. This fall continues to last. Last fall I found something, but that's in the past. The last fall wasn't so far. Of course this is the last fall, I couldn't again, something has raised the bar, too high now. The fall has come at last, and it won't but I'd like it to end somehow. At last the fall is done, I mean the leaves have changed. However, the last time I checked I'm still in a fall. Last fall I fell, but that's the last fall, and this is the last fall, this fall will last.
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#80
In the back of my mind I'm holding on to some sort of hope, like the days will disappear and no one will remember anything about me and you. I can't stand here, and I can't be there, and my life's heading nowhere. They all tell me the destination for me looks golden, but my thoughts must have been stolen, cause I can't see them anymore, and I wonder what it's all for. I'm told to wait, it'll happen, but what are they talking about, I don't think they know. Well, hey it comes to mind I guess they've got to speak their part. Cause somehow they'd like to feel that I take their advice to heart. They see potential in my role in their life, the way they want it to be when it comes around. I thought we grew out of playing pretend, or is it only alright if we do it in our minds. The only thing I ever noticed about being mature is that it just secludes peoples nature. It's clever though, I live a whole different life in my head, one where the future isn't so dead.
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#79
They said it's not that bad, how would they know, they're not here. They said don't worry about it, how would they know, it's not their fault. This isn't their fall, they don't know how deep it goes in my mind. They said they've been there before, how would they know, they're not there now. They said they can relate to my pain, how would they know, they're not my pain. They said it happens to everyone, how would they know, they're not everyone. The said to let it go, how would they know, they're not letting go. They're there for show, comfort me, make me believe in something other than what I know. Those thought are not my own, but you'll have me believe that it's alright to be shown. They said you've got to move on, how would they know, so why are they still holding on to thoughts of others and not moving along their own way. You know there's nothing really you can say, cause these things I have on my mind, are not things that I expect you to be able to find. They're my own, and the falls on my own. It's my trip down, I'm about to fall on my face, and these things in my mind, you will not replace. I can't take everyone staring around me openly, I can't take the words they have to say. They know nothing of what takes place everyday. Like somehow because they're all there they can understand and relate, and label me for what I am. You know nothing of nothing, and you only believe you're holding onto something. Hey that's him and her and he thinks this and that, and that's a fact. Like anyone knows what anyone knows, are you too blind to see that life is one big mind game, that no one really knows what anyone knows. Like everyone is short on what they know, so they must get in my mind, and think they've got something to find. Understand me, interpret me, comfort me, can't touch me, I'm locked under key, you'll never see. Oh he's acting like this or that, how would they know, they don't know me. They've come such a long way now, and they can predict how my reaction will be. Cause I'm just one big walking cliche. Why don't you tell me how my life would go, yea you'd like that, and then when I'm on your plan, hey in the mean time why don't I do everything you say, and then you can live like god for another day. Is that really your advice or what you think would be best for me, for you. We're only out for our good, best good, greatest best good, when does it stop, and when will you realize it's not about being on top. I remember hearing what I should do, and who I should be with, what would make my life great, how it would be great, and how everyone was so god damn fake. So now you want to talk about it, to understand, comprehend, why and when, and figure out how to get me to let them in, like I'd let you near me. Maybe you didn't hear me. I could explain it all to everyone, but it would be nothing to anyone but just a way to get at me, to predict me, to control me. No I'm out there, you think you can understand where and when and how I've been, you're just on the outside looking in, and then someday you'll be broke again, and looking for some one to get in and let them understand you, so you can hear their over used advice and let them change your mind for you, and change you for you, so you can be them, and that person, will never be me.
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#78
There was a plan, it was broken, remade, revisited, redone, rebroke, and now it's all up in the air again, cause that's what happens when it's the end, things begin. We'll let the hurricane bear down on me, the wind can carry away simple things like my thoughts, the rain can chill me, it can kill me, the wind carrying my words away, and the force may make me sway but I'm still here. Sometimes I wish the wind would take me away with my thoughts, but I'm just holding on, out in the storm. There's no fight left to push on, cause it's not really something I'm fighting, it's more of what I know. There's no uncertainty in the weather, it just happens, cause there's nothing to decide upon, it's just the way it is. The wind's not precarious. The hurricane may try to blow me apart, but we hold distinct similarities, especially when it comes to my heart. There's no reason in lightening, but it'll show you everything in the storm, though there's no sun. I won't hide from what I see before me, one eye on the hurricane. The wind comes back around again, it just circles through again, and again, carrying my thoughts. On the outside looking in, it must be some sort of spectacle, watching life fly through this vessel. They see the surface and think of the destruction, oh no but I'm still holding on, and the weather's what we make of it. I'm not scared of thunder, the wind can't shake me, the lightning won't bake me, and there's no rain I'll crumble under. No, not when I'm certain, the force may push on, but I'm standing in the same spot I was before and after the storm.
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#77
An open wound to the public, let me hear your oppinion. Shout out the words of how I'd live a better life, why don't I live the life you need, the way it'd be perfect for you, but you don't realize that dreams are things you're not supposed to obtain. That's why we call them dreams but you'll plead with me to see your way, to change the time on my watch before it counts down to implosion and the lump in my throat isn't there cause I've ate too much but I'm swallowed it all now and it's showing me what happens if I keep sending it all below, it'll build up till I puke. I can pretend that life is how I envision it, but I know it's not, and I know the way it'll stay cause I signed it away another day. It's all been pushed aside now, and I'm standing here in the ocean if only this salt water didn't sting too much like how I'm an open wound, the tears just don't seem to heal it, they hurt it more and more. The pain builds and builds, the more I stand the less I'm down, and in this ocean I wish I could drown. But I can't eat the tears, one for every day of the year. But they won't bury my fear, and it's like no matter how much I try to get passed the past the past has already passed, and now it's coming around again. It'll let me know just how much of a fool I am, how far I'm dropping, like I can watch it all go down, I've seen it before, but I'm the only one that can save myself, but that chance was five minutes before I fell, and I know all too well just what I'm in for. I am here and there, sometimes I climb up and down, but it's like my life will never make sense, and I face away from whatever people claim is what I've got. Everyone knows what it is or isn't and they all want to say something but they just don't know what to say. Like they had the words but lost the words and in their mind aren't really thinking of it at all, but it's nice to way to be there for someone you know. They're advice isn't there for the taking it's there for the giving and it's only my thoughts to save me now, and I know it'll all come back around somehow. Like the days have left came back and forgotten me in them. I couldn't say all the things that come to mind, it's alright they won't save me, and I just don't seem to mind, and there's still more things inside that I feel that no one will ever find as a thought on their conscience. I am the world's imploding star, I'll take all the gravity away and fall in on myself, falling back like I always do, and I'm somehow stuck within, I'd let it fall out, but I don't got much left for them. I am the world's imploding star, you all can become everything so far, don't worry I'll balance you out, and then you can come back again and I'll absorb everything you shout.
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#76
There was a chilling rain that you'll never know, and it holds the secrets to all my pain. Today it's still younger than a year old in my memory. Every step I took I wondered what I was walking for. That answer never stood so clear on that cloudy night, but now I know what it all meant. I realized that I was walking because it was worth it. I may have been drenched with water, but it didn't matter cause you deserved it. That night I walked on, didn't look back, didn't question what I was there for. Now when it rains there's this thing you'll never know that weighs me down, it clings to me like the water on my skin. I'd never ask for a second chance, not for my sake. All in a glance I know it's what everyone is wondering. I know when I look in your eyes you think I don't know, think I never held it so high. You're right I've never held it so high, as right now, cause I know what it was now, and I've got to show you somehow. Still as I stare out the window on this rainy night, I know just what fills my sight, and I know you've got it all now, and it's not something you should sacrifice. In the process of teaching myself I've failed to learn that it's not about what you know. I had to give up it all to realize just how far I could fall. Someday I'll go for a walk in the rain, but it just won't be the same.
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#75
The show's done and everyone's wishing it wasn't quite over. Still the after taste lingers like we're choking down some vodka again. Drunk off the feelings now that it's done. Our nights used to last forever, forever now ends promptly at 3am. You've got no compassion for someone like me, it's alright I'll let it be. I walked by your place, thought it'd be nice to see familiar territory again, hoping that you'd be around to invite me in. We could laugh again, but for now I'll just pass by, and you will never know. You pushed me out, but I'll talk to you again. Do you notice in my voice how I'm wishing it was back then now, and you'd be here again. We're only friends, that's how you said it should be, still if you wanted to, you could see through me. Now the night air seems to embrace me with it's chill, and there's so much left in the void that you used to fill. People take your place, but there are certain things that aren't the same, things they can't replace. There are times I'd wish that you were around, just to be there, cause you'd like it, but you won't be, I pretend there are shadows of you walking with me, and I know you're care-free. I'll get over you to everyone else, but inside I'll still be wrestling with days that didn't end. I melt in the sun, I'm only a wax figure in a museum, a tribute to a day gone, and I know we'll meet again it won't be that long. We'll greet each other again, and glance into the others eye, and know there's something in there that's more than hello. It's what we've been through, that twinkle's seen better days, but they replay in our minds and I'm glad to know that someone besides me can see.
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#74
The people stand around here, and the truth is they just don't care. Too many of them fear what's real, they don't want to have to feel. It hurts when you fall they said, and now they don't want to think about it in their head. Like if we pretend it's not there it'll go away, and you owe nothing to no one, you don't have to have anything to say. Let's keep the options open, just we'll never tell each other, so when it all comes down, we'll have a reason to leave one another. They can't be happy in this world, but they don't have to hurt. We're all lost and confused, cause we can't keep our minds straight, we're all victims of fate. No one's happy where they are, and the things that held us all in check, all seem so far. They're out there past the furthest star, and now you're looking for where to begin, and how to end, and this all seems to be happening again. Still we'll let no one in, and the days go on by, and though we hide away, we all still cry. On the inside the tears fall further than the bottom, and those little suggestions, no one ever got them. Falling from the earth, imploding from my worth. Everyone wants the simple solution, I never knew there was a problem. It's a new day, a new light, and the same old fight.
#73
In the end it'll all come around. The moon and sky will lose any meaning as something unreachable, and you just think that's unspeakable. It'll all fall in, and something new will begin. Everyone will forget it existed, and will never know how I loved you so. So I write to you now, even though you'll never see these in your hand, my messages will never cross the land. Someday somewhere someone, will see these and think of a guy, after a girl, and imagine it all in their head about a man just laying there on his bed, writing, and a girl who's sitting there reading. The difference being my heart doesn't mean much to me, it's pretty much useless past it's own boundaries, but I can hope to say, that maybe someday it'll reach you and teach you, there's more than two separate feelings. Everyone has to admit when they just can't stretch anymore, when they can't afford their dreams. I'm sorry for them.
#72
Let the new day arise and realize there's something new before you. Let's not put it to waste, there are moves in life you can't erase. I'm not saying sprint forward, no one wants to trip and fall when they're lost, but do take a step or bound, there's no cost to see what can be found. Push forward and grind down a new trail, I understand that things in life can be frail. I'm asking you to take a chance to learn a new stance. The weeds on the way are only obstacles to the day. They're all living by the sun, they only need a ray. Here I'll stand at the beginning of a new trail with outstretched hand. Let me guide the way.
#71
The things you say seem so unreal, like I wish you never knew me. I hope one day we forget each other, and then you find my arms again like it's something new to discover. I sense your shadow in the twilight and it falls on me like dew, only it doesn't disappear when the day becomes new. You cover me, and I have no mark. It's as if I tried to light a fire without a spark. I always hate it when I realize no matter how much my memories have faded you're never outdated. Around you I feel so candid, my plane took off, just I've never landed. Maybe if I pull away it'll erase this and each other day we've meet. The sun will rise tomorrow, and bring with it a new sorrow, as if I've already spent the time that I borrow. This world we're living in just won't let me keep giving in. Someday I'll introduce myself to you as someone new, like I'm someone you never knew. Hell, how do you do, and who are you?
#70
Still in the back of my mind I've seen this all before. Ghosts I have to fight off, while those that despise me, what till I'm off guard to suprise me. Here I am, trying to live up to the expectations of what's gone, while there are people that point out everything about me they see wrong. It's the struggle of my life. I jump to the top where I must play defense again or I'll drop, still I have to play the offense to keep away the things I cannot stop. They're in your head, and wonder why you've picked me for this game we play. You look at me, you don't know why, and have nothing to say. Was it something you saw, a reflection you hoped to achieve, something you thought would free yourself. Somehow my job went from being me, to trying to get you free. Still all I want to do is help you, cause I saw in you something past your stance. Now I know I had, or have, the chance. Just have to wait, and pray I don't arrive to late. Hold my own on the top, and balance my act, still I'm not too keen on what to say when you bring up my state as a fact. Up there it's always a battle, a struggle to hold my ground, one slip and the future's not so sound. Someone looked at me up there going back and forth, said it's not fair. It comes along with what I saw originally, and still I can't backdown, too far up to come back down. Clouds conceal my view and those I can't see whisper things they hope to convince you. I can't do much but pray, and still no one knows why I stay. They don't know just what key I hold, most of them think I'll fold. Cause I've been here and there, and I know of what to beware. I've got experience on the oldest hill, and I know how it goes to tumble and spill. So here I stand, and watch me be someone, and see where I land. I'll make it on my own.
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#69
Somehow we're always left sitting here dreaming of days gone and how few there actually were. Oh the road we took, it's too short, but we long for there to be more. It's like when we sailed to that other shore, the sea in front of us always lacked the land, and the land behind us went away, but left us wishing we could see it once more, but give me your hand. I'm still living, and here comes the future. We may want what's gone to linger on, but the days roll forward and in this blind life they're gone. You may want something else to help you through the days that go on by, how to capture the moments we cherish, how do we manage to make ourselves cry? The sun's fast rising on the shadowed earth, still you're not paying attention to the new birth. I don't pay attention when you say goodbye, and still you wonder why. The days arrive and we decide where to take our new light, what we want to see, and what's out of sight. I see you on the horizon, here I come, hopefully when I get there you won't be looking back at me then, but will walk with me for a while. And looking back on those memories we'll smile, and head into the sunset.
#68
Some nights I run out of things to say, so I fall back to my bed where I lay. There are simple things that I realize. I don't need to be with you, I'm not asking for a night, cause I know that the chance is out of sight, in fact I don't care if we see each other again. Where to begin? I hope I never hear your voice, hope that you never reach out to touch me, my choice. I'd trade all your memories away, try to forget everytime I saw you, each and every day. Erase my thoughts of every word you've said, I think this all as I lay on my bed. I'd never have anything to give you or say, it'd all be fine with me so long as you were happy for all of time, every day. I'd give it all way, to have you say, you're glad, to make sure you're never sad. I'd pay the price of pride if it'd take back everyday you cried. There are things more important in life than what I feel, and I'm willing to make this deal.
#67
In your thoughts and dreams do I ever cross your mind. Is there still hope left for me to find. Do you ever play pretend with what if's and somehow in the back of it all I'm caught up in the mischief? It's funny how the days come and go and the years drag on by and I still never know why. If you wander off into dreamland somewhere oh do I ever follow you there? Everyone just expects that the world will keep turning, but only because it always does. The only uncertainty lies within the certainty of what once was. You know the way your dreams are layed out, but are they like that because that's how it always has been? When all this spinning stops, will I cross your mind then?
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#66
Center stage the world's an audience to itself. They whisper to each other thoughts about another. Things they don't know, never will. Selfconcerning skeptics that recieve the echoed criticism. Do the costumes make the actors stand out, or is it their presence? The audience can't decide, the head guests have arrived, late and stirred a comotion as to what they're wearing, and how they're acting. Here comes the climax and the drama builds, is that a new type of dress over there, and did the guy who plays the prince really even care? How will the act end, it seems to take a lifetime to get through. Will they even see the resolution to all this conflict coming? It was a new type of dress alas, and the time is precious like glass. The simple twist of fate that's the ending was a suprise, and the audience seems reborn.
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#65
Everyone's changing everyday. There goes the sun, there goes the moon, and another day is already in bloom. The light and dark separating two distinctly different parts, they come together to make the bueaty of sets and rises. Now as we come back together, we're not who we used to be, but wiser grown individuals far from where we once were. Wishing that nothing is different, and everything's the same as it was, cause that's what we're expecting. Expect the future, don't live for the past. Now I know that not a single day will last. It will create golden memories like leaves about to fall. I remember this one and that one, as a matter of fact I remember them all. Every last leaf, but I know it'll be gone, to make new growth, it's fallen back to earth, but it'll create something new worth the time it stands for. Every year I watch the green fade, and I can't come to it's aid. I have however come to expect the bueatiful change and the new oppurtunities before me, what to watch for, I'll just have to wait and see.
#64
She stands in the rain to see how much she can withstand, Under the eve's moonlight scaping through the cloud's only gapping hole. There in the twilights shower, she remembers her soul. There are questions to which the answers are easy, but that's only as they seem. To defy the mind, and go with what is known right, is to pass by logic and give into a dream. So begins the fight. The rain my fall but it's indifferent to the surrounding questions, they know nothing of each other. Much a similar struggle. The mind thinks not about the rain, as the rain has nothing to do with the mind. The question is deeper than we've seen. Everything known brought you to this point where in its dying moments your thought about the answer's previous singular solution has become cluttered with pollution. Unclear thoughts aren't washed away by the rain, if everything is so easy, why's there so much pain. Some people'd say she found out what's real. I prefer to claim this time she fell too far to heal. This was a thought you could feel. The glow disappears as she watches the moon fade, the rain hasn't even stayed. Everything leaves you alone with the thought which you've come upon as your own.
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#63
I've got this enormous plan in my head. It involves the stars in the sky, and every passing day. It's not written in words, so it's something I can't say. Let me show you a bit of how it goes. An endless embrace that involves the summer's chilling air, nothing about disgrace. It's melancholic honey dew in June running down the tips of fingers only dripping too soon. Then to the ground to break the moment of concentration on a fixed point in my imagination. The script runs through open fields chasing dreams, it's all beautiful or so it seems. There's this part where we're not together, and we each write a letter. Then it follows the rivers bank downstream, and fades into a dream. Some place clever, like underneath a shady tree, reading, and laughing forever. There are parts, words can't describe, they're lost in this archieve, but I'll bring them to life. There's a day under the sun where the rivers run, they become one, and the day goes on to the land down south where the river empties at its mouth. There's a beach to be walked on, with lillies guiding the path on the sand. There's an outstretched hand, leaning to help you climb this mountain-top, so enormous I don't know where to stop. Did I mention that rose that was given for no reason at all, or that grand dance in the rigid leaves that came down with Fall. There's this thing called love to discover, but don't worry it'll involve each other. The days give way to nights that drag past the moon's sight in the sky, so in the middle of a field we sigh at nothing at all. There's a tree that's too tall to climb, but we will anyway. It's things like this everyday. Too many thoughts to lend, let me show you how it will end.
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#62
When everyone wants to know the truth within, and you can't figure out where to begin, where do you turn, how do you win? In the woods they all have questions, you have no answers, and you bounce from tree to tree, where do you flee? Isn't there time to rest, or can you avoid it on a new quest? Maybe it takes a while to figure stuff out in your mind, but take your time, and make sure it's the truth you find. Don't be afraid to take that step out of the woods to the field, and lose that protection of others as a sheild. Figure it all out inside, and the rest can sit around, wonder, and abide to the tune you're playing. Be what you mean, and pratice what you're saying. You don't deserve to be jumped upon cause you don't know, and the tree's bark is just a show. Glide through life on happiness, and dont' worry about what to confess.
#61
What's shooting through my mind, making me confused. I won't lie to my heart, allow it to be misused. My head doesn't know what to say, doesn't want to be fearless today. Always avoiding damage, protecting my love's vessel, but it's contradictions are too much, hopefully this mess will become nothing. Although my head may be afraid, my heart's mind is made. Nothing can hold back it's decision. Like a stream I let it flow, not afraid to go. Cause when you hold the heart back, in the end there's something you'll lack. You'll regret those chances you didn't take, and feelings aren't something you can fake, or shake.
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#60
What's the use in hoping things will go differently? When I held on for so long. I know what my heart said, but I can't hang on when all these tears surround my head, and I just fall back to lay on my bed. The night-time sky looks so high, the moon's glare distorts my stare. My head's not well, and when you're around these feelings swell. It didn't matter how near I stayed, somethings just aren't made. So I took myself so far away. Those knocking on the door only see you as an obstacle in their way. They told me it's over, to move on, so I said so long, and hold on, told me I did it wrong, so shocked. They said that's outrageous, but love's not contaigous. I just want to be a friend and let the peices mend. So when I return, like a star shooting through the atmosphere, I still hope that you are there.
#59
The day you told me, went into a deep reflection, some sort of internal inspection. The truth is I'll always be here to listen, even about absurd things, cause without you there's something I'm missing. I try not to think of you that way, but you're there, and I'm here, so I think about you everyday. So I live on, and I'll get past it all someday. You can find me in my place, trying to find my face to show everyone. I don't like to be disguised, so when I return don't be too suprised, because that person you see, it's only the true me. The self-evaluation will be done, and there's no being scared of anyone.
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#58
Are you empty when you go to bed at night, are the shadows filled with fright? Do you think that you should've, could've, would've, still might? Are you clentching your dreams tight and fast, sitting there hoping that they last? Why did you decide upon them so far back in the past? Do you really wish the world was that way, or is that just something that you say? Do the decisions you made long ago seem to come back and haunt you too? And now what are you going to do? Are you going to sit around and wait, always telling everyone it'll happen, it's fate. Are you having a tough time answering the questions you're reading, or do you just not tell anyone cause the truth is misleading?
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#57
I'm clenching my fist tightly now, and I'm hoping it all works out some how. I'm chasing down suns in the night sky, tracing them gently, holding my dreams innocently. I can't escape cause I was a victim of slipped fate. Choice skipped my bed, and let thoughts into my head. I know the stars aren't in a row, and that chances of stars colliding is low. I just hope to stand around and watch them glow. Sometimes it's just enough to know. To some the sky's the limit, but to him it's known that nobody can dim it. Why reach out into the unknown when it's laid out before you and shown? In the meantime I'll lay under them and watch the show, and let them go, and forever know.
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#56
I almost fell apart on the inside, till I realized it doesn't matter how many days I cried, when no one knows I did anyway, still I'd sit around and pray for things I didn't need. Then I got out and lived my life as best I could, and found out it's not about what you did do, or would. I found love under a tree, and watched it flee away from me. Like it was something I could ever have in my possession, and this tale is my confession. I chased something that didn't exist. The thought was fantastic, but the truth I could not resist. Love could never run away, cause it's only something you can give, and that you need to know if you plan on keeping your feet while you live.
#55
So I see your smile when I walk down the street, and sometimes I think about it for a while. Almost too long cause the day's gone and I'm still lingering on the sidewalk, with nothing to say, still you aren't here to listen anyway. Silent secrets of the dark, visions in the back of my mind play days of the past and moments we were near one another. Now it's different, but we still have the memories of each other. No one knows what the future will bring, or what it holds when we come around to say hello, but I promise you I'll never push whatever we do have below.
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#54
Saw you come and go, and then watched my face in the mirror, echoing the word, no. All the thoughts filled my head, about what went on and what was said. Still to this day haven't left my side, and letting go just seemed so much easier when I could figure it out in my head. Now there's not much more for me to say about what I feel today. Somethings out last the past and they don't fade with the days as they go by faster than the wind on this mast. Blowing down upon me too strongly, set aside from the group, wrongly. Now I've got nothing left in the reserve to feel, when I thought everything was so real. So content now living with myself, alone, and knowing that I'm happier doing so, in my zone.
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#53
Inviting you in, hoping it'd be different, but it's all the same, and nothing has changed. Then I look around, and the same old girl runs off with the same old guy, cause she'll kiss him wonder why, then cry, same story different day, and I still don't know what to say. Laughing and noticing that the same mistakes repeat themselves on different days, but I still don't know what they say. Hoping the world would change, but we defined ourselves when we were five and are defiant to difference. Looking back is like looking forward, and I saw when we were alive what it was like, and how we'd all end up after the hike, and now the road is gone, and we look back on days that fade and merge, you can't distinguish, only older now and no one's bolder, always crying on the same shoulder. You wouldn't think twice, cause everyone has a role to you, it's like no one has a soul to you. Still walking by the same routine, and the truth is you never say what you mean, and you fit your own role cause it still matters to you to be the one that everyone wants to be. But what you missed you couldn't see, we still look upon you with the same eyes, and the winners always get the prize, it's like this life is the same old lies. Just keep feeding yourself them, you want to be you, always pointing out what's wrong with this and that outside, but the problems lie on the inside, too blind to look through yourself when the rest of us can, we have all lied. If you wanted to be someone else, why don't you change, or would that just be too strange, put the lies away, you can say what you want to say, but mainly you're allowed to change today, so it won't be yesterday, and it'll look a differnt way.
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#52
Fall away from me, distance your every move further from the past that it can not last. As we walk away from each other, every breath is farther away from the previous, and the next only becomes another word that I don't understand. Now as we meet again as we return from a far off land this similar place shows me what I feared, a different face. Once a while ago I thought it would stay the same, but I guess now I am to blame. The sight is actually lame. Starring at the ground neither of us know what to say besides the usual recent history, stories that lack each other don't mean anything to one another. Now everyone moves onto another world full of half empty old friends that mean nothing more than memories that like glass cause light to bend. They're a transparent past that is nothing more than how you define yourself, by where you been, rather than who you are, and when you come from afar, you'll see that like your memories your friends don't make you be, they only help you believe, and now we've both forgot so much, it's like we're out of touch.
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#51
Here I stand and watch myself die, another lonely night dreaming about the reasons why. The thoughts were so short, but they came long into the night, and filled me with fright. Watching myself fall apart, and knew on the inside that's how it was in my heart. I was killed from the inside out, filling myself with doubt. As I jumped out of my deep sleep, I struggled to breath. As your words filled the room, I had sucked them all in, now there was an emptiness creeping around, and it wouldn't make a sound. Silently screaming, I wondered if the dreaming was prophetic, how pathetic. So I'll crawl inside and lock it away, cause it's over and the dream's gone, but the thoughts remain. The days they come, and all the old nights hang around to repeat themselves till I'm on the ground. It seems as though my dreams on pause today, till tommorow when it can play, and let me wake up with nothing to say.
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#50
You know all that stuff I said, I wish I could take back and say wasn't true, but I meant everything I have ever said to you. Maybe that's what hurts the most, knowing that it wasn't me, the one you wanted to find. You might not want to hear what I have to say, but believe me it's not something you can't make me sit on and write down for someone to read when they're all alone. My life's like a story, don't stray from the line, I bounce around from here to there, never really knowing what is anywhere. For a moment of life I found something certain enough to understand where I stopped, and maybe I wasn't there for eternity, but I dropped my memory and left it there to savour in serenity. Nothing can shake it's still stature, and it won't leave me as I mature, that moment had me, I was poised for capture. I'm not going to cry, my eyes aren't dry, because something wasn't gone, rather I was happy that I held on to something like that for so long. I never thought miracles were true, everything happens for a reason and so did you.
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#49
I see you sneeking around and peeking into my heart, and when I think you'll come around, I don't know where to start. I'd think about you day and night and when you came here I couldn't find the words due to my fright, and the things I wanted were out of sight. It was you all along, and in the end it was you singing my song. Can you help me along to the star out there so bright, so I can be there with you looking back on the earth, coming round the moon, and when the sun shines, well be home. Staring at that star, knowing that we conquered everything that was once so far. There I saw you again walking around, bury me, beneath your love, and carry me, when I can't stand, all the feelings from above. Then when I see you, I know exactly how it feels to be out there, on your own, wanting to be anything but all alone. So for a long time, I stare on and on, as you pass by my site, thinking what it would be like, our life, if we weren't apart, with all we had shared in one heart, amazed, but as you passed by I just sat there and gazed at the start.
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#48
The streetlight flickered the stars glittered and the night was calm, except for the frantic pace, my heart. It was glowing, but you couldn't see it, today wasn't the end, nor the start. Then I reached your sight and you stood out under the light, I'd admit that my eyes were closed. Out of reach, in my grasp was the reason I had no speech. Before I had questioned if it was betrayal or simply an unresolved ignorance. The world hadn't worked out for me, and I knew the pain of life. All that's inside, I couldn't show you, I had no breath to speak, you were out of reach, there under the midnight sky, I knew that someday I would cry, but hey I wouldn't lie and my heart had to try. Lost in your eyes, even as I fell, I found myself in bliss. That moment repeated in my head, realizing every second what I miss. When I found my way to the future, so it didn't happen, at least I have my moment to live the rest of my life in. Today, even when it rains, in the light, at night, or simply when my eyes are closed from sight, I see the firefly that got away.
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#47
There upon my eyes is the weight of the world. Every sight holds with it value and lost along the way was it's worth. Across the room you steal a stare, you wonder how long can this moment be held. Questioned everything you had in a moment, never knew someone was looking to see your eyes, see them turn, the reflection, burn. There in the moment is lost, chanced everything for the greater cost. There in the eyes is now the weight of the world. Pulling them down, and dragging the tears to the ground. You never meant to glance aside, but your true feelings in that moment must have sighed. Clear nights don't put up fights and clouds bring questions. Running out of the room, there's the open sky, there's the questions and the answers why. You lost yourself in a glance to another.
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#46
When time runs out where does everything go? Never meant for love to be semi-eternal, a habitual ritual making no progress only losing pieces of a heart that wasn't complete from the start. Now time is gone and the end is here, what do I have to show about what I did share? No one there to help lost replies on nights with great sighs. Explanations of imperfections in lost connections, examined by cross sections. The night ran out, left nothing to shout. There was so much time. Now that everything was done, did I miss the part about where to run. Forgot to make myself something in love, now to go places I can't name, faces I can't blame, and underneath it all gave love to those who wanted it, and lost on my own, there's no where left to go. All gone, and now I'm only left to tell a tale and sing a song to emptiness.
#45
Broken down, far apart, where did it all start? Under the tree there they lay, two lost lovers, living for the next day. Never knew where tomorrow would go, forever down the road, what would be left to show. The lovers there they lay, oh did they forget what to say, fate forgot to act, as they part, never knowing that one day they had been so close, opposite sides of the same tree, looking to the sky, couldn't find the other side. Their vision fate could not pry, under the tree wasted opportunity. Now where does love go, it was lost along the way. As they returned to the path, knowing lost something now gone, misplaced thoughts, of another side of a tree, but where would that be? There the stars had looked down upon the greatest love, tomorrow would be another day, but they would have nothing left to say, wasted life, time, now gone, where do the roses bloom, but under that tree, begging to turn and see.
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#44
Feelings expressed have the unfaithful carrier, words. Recycled air springs from lips in familiar tones. Guessed at confussion, false echoes. There in words is the question of truth, where does your meaning start. Traced mine back to the heart, fire and hate rip apart echoed memories, repeated for reinstatement. Questions in the stars, but how could it have come this far? There you lost yourself, leaning on meaning, searching for what spent words meant, instead of meaning words being leant. You were eager to jump at thoughts not complete. Now on this day do you and your words meet, repayed, resent. A lie, I shouldn't say to such an extent, just twenty fold fools gold. Violation of a misinterpretation. Ringing in ears, reminded of fears, there are your words, floating, to another day, so I warn you, be careful what you say.
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#43
Now life is so open and free, in the field there is but one tree. Did it make you feel better when my heart was split, but now that it's together aren't you throwing a fit? Now I've got those eyes looking back in mine, seeing something that's far past fine, someone that won't cross that line. Happiness is everywhere for me, it makes me smile knowing you can see. I grin at your tears, knowing that they steam from your fears, all your fault, and nothing you can do anymore, see I have someone I care for. I smile I'm happy, and the truth is you'll never be, for saying such a lie I hope you cry, hope you turn and run, become shy, hope you wish you could fly, because what you said I could not buy. Some things are unforgivable, some unforgettable, but oh I'll forget you ever existed. Couldn't understand that I was pissed, it's not something you missed, it's something I continually hissed, couldn't change for me, now your free, where you want to be. Now it's done, I'm having so much fun, got me a new sun, something so bright, oh how I love the sight. I'll just smile for a while.
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#42
Beginning to fall flat on my slanted face, sliding down the mountain. Once a statue of life, awoken by the shower of freezing rain. Clouded sky blocked the rays of light, oppressed my sight. Now that the mud collects at the bottom, thoughts trapped, words left unspoken, deaf ears not exactly present to begin with. As the passengers look on, hoping to get their chance to scale the muddy cliffs, I walked away. Knowing that the mud collected too much and often, found lying fully awake, submerged, the way you wanted, silenced by noble thoughts. Turns out the mold only left an impression as the rain also washed away any memory of the mud. You wanted something I couldn't be, something I didn't plea, now you having difficulty trying to see. Earthquake shook the mountain, now we all tumble down, no more water from the fountain. Waiting for a flow of water that'll never come, hoping that it will, return to a site without a fight, it wouldn't even come back under the cover of night. Hidden among the many tree is a man a bird that we can not free. No flight, don't worry no fright, oh what a sight, something striving so hard for light, only laying it's head down to sleep at night. Brought dreams of unreal queens. Oh let the young birdman dream, for it's something more than what it seems.
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#41
Fresh out of thoughts, fall fall falling, star star starting, now the moon rises and sets the suns warmth can't remove the cold from bones, shout it in my ears with megaphones. I heard it so loud and clear, no one was speaking, the truth was leaking. Fearful living for frightful fighting on the horizon of the moons arising. Rather'd live in the crevices of despair then pull out my hair, then have to live here, and know that there is no care. Wait till tomorrow, wait for the sorrow, anyone have a heart that I can borrow? point the fingers at me I'll take the blame I'll burn myself from within in a great flame, let the world know that it's me they can frame. I fell for a hopeless thought, I let my mind spend time on it too long. I fell asleep to a single song. Knowing that you may be a neverending dream not to come true. But I hope that you can see my true hue. The plane flew by so fast I missed my exit while listening to cries, so I pleaded, don't be fake, tell me no lies. In the world there's everything you could desire, never said you could have it all under a fire. I am full of so much bliss, it's just your love that I find I miss. SO bring it back to me in quick time, it doesn't even have to be mine, I just want to know you're out there, I just want that time like the moments we share.
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#40
Cause when the stars fall from the sky the day shall end, let it come watch my world bend, wait for the next days events, crying tears that are overcome by heat, make me forget the stars, for them I don't care, they could fall all over the world, and I would see through their blinding light, see right out into the night, I fell to the bottom of the ocean, breathing in the water, struggling to regain my feet, the currents swept away my thoughts in defeat. Following the path, let the fish lead the way avoid be eaten by the larger, swallowed and consumed, now fate doesn't loom. Everyday they struggle with me, I fight them off, if only I could swim in your sea of thoughts, drowning and spiralling down in the whirlpool, oh let me forget the day the stars fell from the sky and pushed me under all your thoughts, cause that day I lost it all, it never came back. Show me where it hides.
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#39
The whirl pools pulls me in, sucking me down, forcing me to drown with each breath of air. There are no lights, they are but distant flickers. The path of life isn't lighted, it just happens, and I stumble along. Would you know tears or their reason. Would you understand meaning if it were before you in this tight cramped world of being. The days hold no meaning but place holders for emptiness. Feelings running all over the place, places where I wish could run. I can't. I just can't turn away, dreams are fears of a failed reality. It's something we must take chances on. I need not be anymore, cause the course I have selected holds nothing in front of me. I need to get away from it all, need to leave it all behind. If only you'd come with me. I want to hide among strangers and let their tears be not my wondering. You couldn't come, the world doens't run along the paths of wishes. But those wishes you can make be so much more. Bigger than the world, shattering, with each breath. Reminded of greatness, shadowed by possibility. Let that mountain grow, I will not let my dreams be overshadowed by any giant, facing reality was never so painful as the day I realized what I was lacking. I was happy knowing what I had, knowing the world as it was, you changed it all. Now I wish I could erase it all, well cause you're just too big of a dream for my mind to comprehend, to run after. For you out distance me at every moment. I wish I could give up air cause I die every day without it, every breath farther down the whirlpool.
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#38
The world is hidden a great distance from me, everything is out of reach, out of touch. When I think running there is possible, I see the drop it'd take to find my way back to reality. So I stare off in the distance. Looking up, seeing the peaks, been to the valleys. Knowing that some things are placed at heights unreachable, but they're there looking down on you, even when you can't see their highest point. Grinning in realization that the world could create such a thing, such a beautiful specimen of perfection. Knowing that part of you is always there with it, no matter everything else. When words seem to have lost all their meaning, try to understand that they don't need meaning. All the while your eyes are looking deep into mine, seeing everything, that which I want and that which I fear. I'd show you my everything if I could, I'd show you to yourself. Life is worth living just because you exist, you may or may not see me the way I'd hope, but I just thank you for being you. For shinning on me when you don't have to, a hidden star in the distance, although my sight blurs and sometimes I only know you exist through faith, I know you're there, my heart tells me so.
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#37
A thousand times I've seen myself in my dreams float away, return, never to be what I wish. Never fully there, never understanding why or the way things work. People walk by, stand and hide, I cry. I could run forever, trying to avoid everything standing away, being there but never seen or heard, I could be nothing to everyone, but all I really want is to be everything to just one. Esacping all that's real cause reality isn't what words mean. You say things that you only pretend. I can't tell you what damage eyes do. I can't say that words are worth anything, cause they've only shown me nothing of what they mean. I question everything, and you acknowledge nothing, answers show up, people fall off, and dreams shatter, but what does everything matter anyways. If everyone is a lie, what does meaning matter? We are all what we show to the world. Show yourself, cause I promise that the world see's you differently, because you want them to see something you're not. If you ever wanted an empty promise, if you've ever wanted a false hope I can tell you the world is full of them, but if you want everything that's real then I tell you that is what Im giving. The world is a large place, seperated by spaces, everyone is seperated by space, just some more so, and I can promise that there is an infinite ammount in the universe, but it somehow has brought us this close, why waste that perfect chance. As my ship takes off, I my travel through that space, and I don't know what I will or will not find, but I promise that one thing will never leave my mind.
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#36
Cold chills and tears, oh yes, love is real. That's something that I've never doubted. Sometimes we forget that love maybe the best and most powerful thing, but it's not the only thing. It isn't fair that I should have to live after everything is gone. Life continues and doesn't take a moment to stop like my heart. There are plenty of reasons to continue, just not in that genre. I've lost my heart anyways, something that is not needed, cause it's pointless to go on without you. Trembling without fear, driven by loss, a heart that I don't want to find. Take it with you, it belongs to you anyways. Leaving my empty heart, running scared, where to go is too difficult. I guess this is good-bye, tears send you off, and I don't want anything to end, but nothing lasts and life may be great but I won't forget it's little treasure. Now I hit the ground hard and running, heading away from everything, it's not that I don't want to be where I am, but I just want to get away from everything, pulling on me, showing me memories of things that I don't want to see, things that are so great that they excede me. Drowning in my own tears, living alone, that's what life has shown me the most of. Shown that life is a journey alone that you take and everything else is just there. Im in peices, just don't look now. Fallen down, it's not that I can't get back up, I don't want to.
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#35
Slipping and losing everything I hope for, shall it shatter, shall it break, and make me falter. Shall time be my fate, and shall it end, still grasping for air. As time runs short, I realize that time runs short on everything eventually and I don't want it to end here, before my feet leave the ground, before I fly away with you. Oh truely the powers that be understand love, they understand that this may tear my heart, scar it for life and leave me on the floor, tears in eyes, remembering and asking why? I'll be able to walk but not with that hop. I can see you floating away, leaving me behind, not realizing what was left behind, not knowing what might, or what is now, then. As I hide tears under my pillow, they need not be seen by the world, their my secrets, my thoughts, and dreams, and I know that they shall never dry. I think on you long into the night, letting the darkness settle around me, as your thought keeps me safe and reminds me that tomorrow will be better with you than today without you. Knowing that one of these days tomorrow shall come if I have to wait for eternity I'm ready and if patience is what it takes, then I pray that my patience isn't in vain, isn't something that is lost to another. Fate take my hand, lead me along the path of life, show me that although everything in the universe is amazing that the one that is the most amazing notices.
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#34
Flashes of light embrace my dark world. Showing and revealing the true power that drives us all to the edge, to the bottom, and to the top. Everyone seems to think that they're perfect for who they like, so assuming the same for myself, might lead you to believe Im another of the same. I can't tell you words that have no meaning, in a world that is filled with emotions with power not expressed by mere words. Fearing that a wasted chance might chase you to another in my absence, fearing that they're less than what's deserved. If I told someone that their true love lived on the other side of the world, would they not go, but I can't tell you who anyone is to you, and all I know is Im standing here before you. Dreams seem to be all I have, nothing more nothing less, something that is nothing, for half the day at least you are there. A flame in the distance might appear smaller, but I assure you it's the same height it's always been and it's still as high as the day it was ignited. I can't tell you what you mean.
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#33
Watch the clouds leave to pour on me still. Wash away tears from my dry face. Take my sight, I can still see you. The rain can't stop feelings, so why let anything else? Through the rain, through the lightning and most violent storms, tossed and turned, I chase my dreams greatest display, hoping not to slip. In darkness my dreams create themselves, illuminated by natures flashes. Only to wake and chase someone seemingly unrealistic, yet stands there before me unknown. Love is the only condition of the heart, but that's what makes it unconditional. Let not words speak what true love shows for they are poor examples and die in the wind, unlike your beauty. That rain may poor, only to show that nothing can stop my heart from beating, and although it washes away everything it can't stop that it from doing such for you. Let dreams gain wings and fly around in your head. I only wish you saw everything. Oh rain, crash down, reveal me.
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#32
Somewhere near the edge we all fall. Not noticing how hurt we are till the bottom arrives. Now looking up at you nothin has changed. I'm here now, and always will be awaiting. A while ago I lost something you took, but it belongs to you. It calls your name. It's you that it lead me to. For that I thank it over and over. Pain arises from my only love. As weird as that seems I tempt fate to torture my heart. For your love is worth everything that accompanies it. You've taken my hand and shown me perfection. Only a limited amount though. And as it escapes through my fingers, it was that bit of perfection that continually runs through my mind. Although we shall never be us, I guess I am just pleased to have an oppurtunity.
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#31
Shielding my eyes from the reality of my pain, tears do not quench the fire of my heart. Burning, still yurning for your affection. Trying to discover reasons unheard. Perfections brightest star on the horizon, setting and leaving me in the dark. Tempting dreams to realize their failure. Still sweet perfection shines upon me to rise another day. Reminding me that although the heart may get crushed, and break, it will still beat for them. As I reach I may falter but will reach again. Perfection, taunt me for eternity for the hope is too great to pass on such a chance. A day, I shall achieve the greatest goal. Till then shine and show your perfection to the world.
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#30
I sit here staring at the sky, looking for answers to form among the stars. Trying to figure out why everything has happened the way it has. Stars collide, and form and somewhere they may not even be stars, but you shine bright enough there staring at me. Reminding me that although I may stare at the stars for answers I need only look to you for the explanation. As day grew nearer, and night closed in it's final darkness I rememberred what had drawn me to my current situation. A hope for something that was only met with another who was better than any dream could draw up. In these final seconds, I cling to you for all of time. Living in the moment, and acknowledging that you had brought the stars to me. Shown all that you had, and not disappointed for a single moment. The world seemed larger,but not unconquerable. Questions didn't need to be answered now, you just needed to be there. The future stretched out before us, two roads, not so uncommon. There it lay, and there we lay, exploring that which we now became. Eyes searched the sky, and revealed that there was seemingly only one thing more beautiful. The night was soon to change to day, and realizations came about that although the differences between day and night may be vastly different, they at some point mix to create something beautiful. Just that is the site before eyes. Seen in one lasting effect. Everything layed out before me.
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#29
Life in shambles, slowly falling apart. I turn to you, but you've stolen my heart. As the writing before me blurs it seems all that's left between me and everyone is words. I told you all I had to say with words. Now the road has stopped and I fall at the sight of nothing new. There's nothing to catch my crashing decent down to your perfection. Layed out before me, there is everything I can't have, everything that taunts me, and then leaves me out cold. Now is when I try to get away the hardest, only reminded that leaving isn't possible, there's no escape the mental anguish that I have brought upon myself. Second guessing everything that is said and done, trying not to be me at every single expense, I hide myself from every part of the world. My feelings are something they do not know, nor would understand. I'd tell you the truth but Im afraid that Im so far from reality that truth to me seems all the more shaky, or is that my palm. Testing tears to tempt fate to release me from the prison that is my own self. Every night I hope for what the future brings, and acknowledge that pain is real. Knowing that above all should I fall again I should not remember the pain of the last to hault my march towards an unobtainable target. Should I fall would you be there to watch or catch?
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#28
I'm lost when it comes to describing your beauty. However that's not what makes you as enticing as you are. It's just you. Simply difficult. When I long for you I close my eyes to picture a chilling feeling. Realizing now more than ever that as the distance between my wish and what is known real keeps growing. As the reach grows I fear that I shall fall into a pit, and that pit shall be flooded with my tears for your love. Drowning for your love, worth the agony. The distance between you and me is the vast emptiness of my thoughts. As we exchange glances I hide myself from you. If you could only understand the great confussion that is my understanding. I'd fall into that pit thousands of times until counting only made it all the more hurtful, if you'd only take the second. An external vision you stay with me through the greatest and worst moments. Truely you guide me without ever knowing your effect. If only one day you knew the cause of my delight.
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#27
A deep delightful spiral downward. A gracious expression. How can there seem to be so much sympathy and understanding? These are the oceans, created from joy, pain, and fear. All three found in two. Everytime I find myself slipping into a blackhole. Forgive me if I stare, but how can I escape? Switching back and forth I find myself enchanted by your beautiful eyes. Finding myself lost in the lovely combination of color and lack there of, but there always seems to be some sort of gravity pouring out of those stars and getting away is not possible. It's like two eyes, and through the darkness I can only see them, but they represent your beauty well.
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#26
One secret untold, never to unfold. Should I remain mute only to miss a chance of intense value, or shall I speak on an issue that is misunderstood. A cherished star forever away sends ripples of energy. With this can be no dark, yet I hide in the shadows. A figure never to be known, only wanting to be in the light. You create hapiness that is unseen.
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To not taste such a sweet fruit shall be considered sin. Is not the eternal sin to obstain from love. Should the thought of you plague my head to kill me from within. The pain I do feel in the agony of a speechless wait. A tear shall drop too far to be understood. In my love is my pain. A hidden sharpened charm. A feeling interpreted being two effects as a single blessing. Eyes closed to a sight of pain that doesn't need to be seen to be viewed. I shall stand on the verge of collapse to be seen for a moment. I'm left everyday thinking, wondering of what a dream shall happen? My only love crushes my fragile state beneath the weight of her beauty.
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#25
What pain may be hidden shall be saved for victory's date. Forever away a date impossible to reach is eaggerly awaited. Anticipation and determination drive the will of one in dreams of what time can't stop. A struggle to be seen, in only eyes could determine character. The pain of my eyes being set ablaze with your sight. A fire uncurreable spreads without control, and leaves desires untouched. Could the simplicity of such a thought echo when not spoken? For ears selectively deaf to such thoughts are left with realization.
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#23
A realization known far in advance. A reason respected does not result in the desired outcome. A heart shattered causes great pain within without ever being seen by the cause. As a past fear becomes a current state, and leads to future expectations the real truth surfaces. An expression or gesture known real. Life loses importance, and questions annoy even the patient with their frequent occurence. A sight, a touch, a word intended carries immense pain. Ignorance, the only cure for agony. No location can hide feelings like the dark, and it's limited amount is left cherished. The stone figure internally damaged. A statue appearantly unchanged does not show what it knows and feels. There is an empty space between thoughts and facts that is void.
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#22
You stop frozen, trying to understand how such beauty could be. As they glanced upon you, you turn to hide. Never wanting them to know what has taken you over. As they approached wondering you run to the shadows to hide from their light. As you stared at them thoughts became creative. What could be, mixed with what is, and rivaled what was. For in the end you knew they never would. However, upon the chance you'd think not. For the response already prepared and mutely recited a thousand times would be instant. An opportunity to obtain all that was ever wanted and to give the same, unknown. For they were more than yourself to you. They deserved existance many times more. Such beauty and grace, kings could not conquer such a thing. It was something too rare for chance. A planet orbiting the brightest star desired the closest orbit. For gravity's pull was too great to overcome. In your mind they outlived the end of time never to be surpassed. As the moment melted and turned into the motion of life, you realized that your glance had faded to a longing look. Only, for your sake it had been unnoticed. One lover mute to beauty.
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#21
As we look through space, pretend like you don't see me. As I regret more and more time spent making wishes that would never come true. Only to realize the childish wishes I had desired. The truth is as time passed us by I remembered what you were didn't matter. Nothing did. you are nothing I wanted and time revealed mistakes. You had me blinded, but don't try to pretend that it was any more than that. The truth had opened my eyes more than yours. As we faded into existance it was exactly that which kept us in check. The belief that nothing had become everything had turned time through the days. Then I realized that nothing else besides one thing drove everyone else, but that's what happened to star crossed paths changed by cosmic events. But you are cosmic. I can't see in darkness, no one can, but if I could I'd desire one vision. A sun too bright to shine too far only leaves a faint impact on time, but then a faint impact are we all. You make more than a such a disturbance, more so than your own thoughts could invoke. Then as we rounded the corner we searched for things that would occur rather than what was occuring. It was time that mattered, but you made your impact worth it. Your memory will be just that forever, and till time ends your desired image will still be shrouded.
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#20
Fearing feelings that shall swallow my heart and cause rain to fall from my eyes, I hide from you. I spy on you to tempt dreams. An unchanging existance within my soul, you shall never be moved. I cherish you, but to touch beauty is to taint sweet perfection. How can I stand before you unseen? Your pedals save you from harm, but can't protect my eyes from lovely agony. As I tremble with my frozen heart gone, your beauty only grows stronger. Amaze me everyday to remind me of my pain. You declare your intent to act upon unworthy individuals while crushing my heart in the palm of your sweet hands. Forever shall be my curse, with undying love. Hopefully you will not take eternity to realize my love is undead, and that although you are but a rose in your garden, you are the one that creates the most beautiful dreams of the future eternity.
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#19
You said forever and meant tomorrow. The unfair world continued and you didn't on the assumption that somehow life was over and there was no meaning. At the end of the rope you thought of possibilities that seemed not pleasing. You often had thought this day would come but now that it had you were left wondering how it did happen. One life that exists without you now when you can't without them. A common occurence of epic proportion. It was life and love that mixed to create this wonderful world of what had been and what will be. Life without them was just all the less, and it's purpose was drawn into question. As you decided to run from reality it was a new face that made you turn and look back. Someone that to you wouldn't have done the less for you. This person caught you in full stride and made you think that everything was going to be okay. As for the one that had left you out to hang, they were gone and now just another statistic. The new person meant more than the world and the cycle began again with a new destination.
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#18
It was a thought, it passed, and so too did they. You wished upon a falling star, only to remember that you couldn't have what you wanted. A dream never to be fulfilled seemed silly to dream. But they were worth an infinite amount of dreams. Only to remember that somewhere you had to continue your everyday life. A stare that had changed a moment, and a moment that had changed a lifetime. A flame lit now burned for eternity. It was wrong to desire them, for they were taken, but no punishment could change such a thought. To the thought of them you woke up every morning hoping that your thought had become your reality. Every different day was the same torture. For without them your heart was crushed. They had become more important than everything. To chase would be death, but to not act would kill your heart. An eye with a stare that had caught everything. A thought with a glare that had settled nothing.
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#17
Close my eyes to not wake again. Whenever now becomes never is when my chance becomes real. A punishment worse than death to view an unreachable star. Blind me now so I shall never look on you again. Tempted to let wild feelings run to release the agony of fate. A chill to the heart hath froze all thoughts. Why must I think on thee constantly. I do not desire this unobtainable mad love you have driven me to. Why can't i reach thy mind? Am I air before thine eyes? Meaning less than I cherish to you drives me crazy. As I move farther away from that star, surroundings grow dark and thoughts lose form. You've taken the one posession that drives my life. Can anything that matters so much to me be seen by you? My eyes are closed now, shall they open before never, or I shall be blind from everything forever.
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#16
A thought known real. A wait to test fate. Verification that you above all others are what my dreams are made of. Thoughts are seemingly unimportant when you are around. They cloud visions of perfection. There is a certain pain in your absence, but there is a different pain in your presence. What would it take? Cause that's what I would give a thousand times over for the thought that you may think upon me for the duration of a blink. Does my imagination create a false scene, or shall I live to see the extent fo a perfect dream. When you're not present, it's you that is the topic of my thoughts. There is no escape from the agony of your beautiful sight. However, with such pain comes you, and the value of that is in far excess of any feeling. My heart shall crush without your embrace. Fate will have no greater experience waiting than any single part of you. Everywhere I turn there you are in my head, in every thought. Someday should a thought known real become part of a dream in reality to become all that is important to one? Dreams are certainly born on such a thought.
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#15
Can you see through my mask, or has it hidden my tears well? Would you recognize your own name if I were to shout it? In the mirror I reflect myself upon the world in a secret state. Intent disguised from the world, it is no suprise that you can't find your way through the maze of my thoughts. Every word spoken to you altered so that it hides me from you. You'll never know you are you to me.
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#14
I know not of you, but you have already broken my heart. Created pieces of one whole mess. I spied upon thee with careful eyes, making sure to not reveal my feelings. Fearful that view would release thoughts unheard such that it may put out a star bright to my eyes. Tears hidden by darkness are the only release of you from within my heart. With euphoric feelings your presence creates a bitter sweet paradox within. A wait in silence explores every situation without a taste of reality. You are importance at it meaning. I search my soul for the meaning. Only to discover that a shattered heart has no reasoning beyond true love. With every view you take a little part of me, but I'd be willing to give it all to you. you are my air and as I suffocate without you I find myself submerged in water, surrounded by tears. With you as my release I hope to someday breath again. Is it my fears that create tears? For you I'd give up all.
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#13
You were one of those people in a sense unforgettable. Strange that now you're forgotten, I was sure that you were someone you're not but now you've shown more than truth could ever reveal. Was it time that showed me where you were or just the fact that your immense light had me blinded, and now out from behind your trail I see so much more. I would have given so much for you back then, and now my childish wish is shown in full length before me over and over. However there is something greater than what I used to wish for, see you had shown me that you were nothing like what I thought you were, you were so much more. You were on a greater level. It used to be physical now it's strictly you that matters, and that's all that counts. In a crowd you don't stand out, but in a conversation you're ahead of everyone and that is more important than anything you could ever hope for. You probably wouldn't notice this new thing, but then again who would. It's okay you are greater than you think and always have been. You're still unforgettabe, just in a different manner. A tear of pain shouldn't be felt in your name, you're worth a thousand tears though. You are soo much more than you could every think. You're just plain and simply you.
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#12
Don't fill my head with false lies about promises left empty. You once had been much more to me, but your decline lead you back to general status. I felt dreams of what were to be slip away under words that were all together said to be broken. I tried so hard, but you couldn't have pushed me further away. You pretended like nothing mattered, when everything to me mattered. I would have lead you down the path, but you felt comfortable running off road, that was you. This is me, now kneeling with a thousand times a pain to great to handle. You shouldn't even be allowed to utter the word speacil you have no feeling for such a thing. That to me is what you were. Now as I count time on a larger scale I take notice of what you've become. Less than what you were. You should have listened before you were to go the way you thought correct. In my ending I shall be happy to know that you are miserable, an evil thought yes. However, that's how you left me. Feelings are emotions that never seem to be asked for. If I had to pin point what was to occur I would have no guess I didn't want anything to occur. A once great thought had been ruined at your expense. Whatever could be the outcome of anything else, there was but one great belief of an outcome in what was to be. A shattered image is no longer visable, and don't cry to me if you don't like what's happened. Your decision is too deep for me, I didn't want any of this, so you see it is you that's wrong. So never tell me that you are going to love me if you won't. Don't fill my head with lies and pretend that they mean anything to me. You may pretend that it's real, but I know better. I believed everything you told me for truth when in reality nothing was. So when you move on, it is I left standing with no light. Don't get all upset when everything you want turns out to be me and the candle no longer exists. You were once to me something great, but now you are a faint remembrance of a time that turned out to be more than anyonce could handle. You have caused any regrets yourself. Don't think you ever have a chance, and when you want it more than anything else I shall turn my back on you and watch you fall to the bottom of my pit. Don't think that anything slips by me, and references are but curse words phrased nicely. Don't pretend that you got away with anything, because in reality you got away with nothing. It is I that stands here with everything you wanted in my grasp and Im squeezing tightly cause you'll never get it back. In other words, the rejection sucked, and now consequences are too much for both. This is your fault. Don't pretend like nothing matters when every action matters more to anyone than to yourself.
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#11
You pretended that nothing was wrong. You're sorry something was. When you feel trapped and running seems impossible, that's when you run the farthest. You weren't about to live a false lie. The pain for them, yes you know it was difficult, but hopefully they believe you when you say that it was painful for yourself too. Probably not so much as theres, but it happens. Personally love is too great a thing than something you would lie to. They were perfect, together you were perfect, but when something tells you no, it's that little doubt that true love hides. You would rather run free than anything else in the world. Although you shared their kisses, you knew that if you didn't release yourself and leave now it would be far worse in the end. Any tears you caused you're truely sorry for, but they should not expect that you are perfect. In the end you were sorry, but you knew it was better that you were the way you are. They taught you many a lesson, and now you thank them. But how do you say Im sorry for breaking up with you?
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#10
If you could describe perfection you knew that they would be involved. The pain of anger and tears combined to make a melody of a song repeated too many times. You dreamed forward but could only see the past. A thousand times a distance too far to travel that could not stop love. A kiss too sweet to forget triggered the formation of an eternal memory. A speechless forever that was more significant than all significance. Words used to describe such would be a greater crime than that of all hell. Without them, a world empty that becomes more fragile with the passing of everyday. As you stood face to face one wrong glance caused you to lose grip and fall. Creating a struggle to recover anything that was and more that wasn't. A fight that you repeat everyday starting with a view and ending in a blink.
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#9
love, is always different when it's not there. Let's put it this way, there is no perfection in the world, so stop looking. None, 0, not any. The people around need to stop and wonder if they too have fallen into the group that demands us to be in a relationship, maybe some people realize that love is great, but just not for them. Love can be good that's true, but so can many other things. So maybe they are that way for a purpose. Maybe they are happier than you, the majority is so reluctant to believe in that which they don't find as correct.
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#8
The sky is always the same color, but your life has to change. Tears gone by combine to teach about that which you never expected. Then again you never thought that I'd stand here and wait for you. But time is something eternity has. You poured tears and never let me dry wells that seemingly had no bottom. Hope is something fools have, and luck is what wise men use. A wait well worth countless missed years. Till the end I'd wait for you to discover my eyes and find that I'd been waiting for you.
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#7
The picture changed so fast before your eyes, and there was no time to exhale. You came and went. Life's cherished punishment of change. Although not mandatory, common among similar situations. The picture undone there is white canvas for the next. A ripple is not felt in the ocean, but in the puddle of your life it's overwhelming. As you look into the murky water there is no reflection, only ripples of the latest drop.
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Stars collide, and two become one. As she lost herself in your eyes, it was he who thought once, not to think twice. No one said a phrase, cause mere words could not describe this combination. Through controversy it was they who stayed and out lasted wilted flowers. One eternal daisy for all time. There were no tears, only words that broke the back of their differences. As the sun rose, so too did they one giant star that shall shine for longer than all. The everlasting couple till the end.
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#5
The world spins and things change. Suddenly you realize that you don't have what you want and don't want that which you have. All the while the one you truely love left with someone else. Faces, like places change, and you wonder if somehow greatness has passed by with the wind. We all sit around and ask each other where all the time went on the assumption that time goes somewhere. Only to finally understand that time fades with memories. As we cherish the past we neglect the fact that we are living the past currently. We face each other and realize that with each passing second the future becomes the present. Only to start panning in anticipation of that which can't be predicted. You wish you were somewhere else, only to later discover that somehwere else is actually right where you were.
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#4
Time stopped and shortly thereafter so too did I. Someone left and someone came, but only not to matter more than this eternal day. Destiny has somehow meet with chance, and tomorrow is not. Then with a rush it all came back, and beauty ran wild. Still concentrating, the world turned to you, and by some miracle you mattered when they didn't. Or to put it simply, you.
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#3
Your words swept through me and created an image of someone not even time could erase. An image far from reality, cause in reality you were so much better. Cruel trick, but today never said it knew tomorrow. It was, the second we meet, heaven. You turned around and were all I knew. A memory never to be forgotten, only due to the truth that everyday it starts over.
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#2
Love is a very confusing topic and to all those that think they can explain it I call them liars. That is because love is self-defined. The crazy part about all that is everyone's definition is different from everyone else's. Therefore they get all tangled and people can't quite understand the "true meaning" of love. Don't worry, if you want true love you get true love. Love doesn't hurt you and it can't so therefore it is insane when they say that they've been hurt by love. You only get what you look for. Meaning that if you look for someone that is attractive and don't care about their personallity then they probably won't have a good one. Love is fair, it's just that everyone looks for other qualities than that which love dictates.
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#1
As the door opened someone walked into the room. You wouldn't have noticed, as you were too busy with someone else. As they passed behind you, you continued with your preoccupation. Only as you swung around did they catch your eye. You knew something was different. Nothing was wrong with your current love, as a matter of truth it was quite perfect. Except that one thing. As you glanced at this new presence they returned the favor. You knew it wouldn't be the same from here on in. As the world spins around you, you stand still, frozen in your state. Why not, this person has you captive. You realize that loving that person would be wrong, but not loving them is a sin against yourself. Just another cruel trick of life. Do you let your heart run wild, or stay put and let your imagination go crazy. Thoughts in hand, this is not a decision that has a correct path. You've made your decision and think about it several times. Hey, why not? Love is an unpredictable path anyways. To you the decision is correct and that's all that matters. Love will be at either end.